War

ronpei

yesterday

Finally, Israel has attacked Iran’s uranium enrichment facilities. While Israel and the Palestinians have been in conflict in the Gaza Strip, Iran was expected to take action against Israel. However, Israel has launched a preemptive attack. They are like natural enemies. We Japanese cannot do anything but watch and hope that it will not affect other parts of the world.

Similarly, there is nothing we can do about the Russia-Ukraine war. Even President Trump has not been able to stop it. Russia’s president, Putin, really likes to wage war against neighboring countries. Despite the economic sanctions imposed by the Western countries, he seems unwilling to stop the war.

Whatever the causes of war, the people are always the victims. Every second many children die in these places. On the other hand, in our country, children are expected to grow up safe and sound. I cannot help but think about how unequal human lives are.

ついにイスラエルがイランのウラン濃縮施設を攻撃しました。イスラエルとパレスチナがガザ地区で対立している間、イランがイスラエルに対して行動を起こすと予想されていました。しかし、イスラエルは先制攻撃を仕掛けてきました。まるで天敵のようです。私たち日本人は、この戦争が他の地域に波及しないことを祈りながら、傍観することしかできません。

同様に、ロシアとウクライナの戦争についても、私たちには何もできません。トランプ大統領でさえ、この戦争を止めることができませんでした。ロシアのプーチン大統領は、近隣諸国との戦争をこよなく愛しています。西側諸国による経済制裁にもかかわらず、彼は戦争を止めるつもりはないようです。

戦争の原因が何であれ、常に犠牲になるのは国民です。毎秒、多くの子どもたちが命を落としています。一方、我が国では、子どもたちは安全に健やかに育つことが期待されています。命の不平等さを痛感せずにはいられません

en 3

Correct

Corrections

phantomviz

War

Finally, Israel has attacked Iran’s uranium enrichment facilities.

While Israel and the Palestinians have been in conflict in the Gaza Strip, Iran was expected to take action against Israel.

However, Israel has launched a preemptive attack.

They are like natural enemies.

We Japanese cannot do anything but watch and hope that it will not affect other parts of the world.

Similarly, there is nothing we can do about the Russia-Ukraine war.

Even President Trump has not been able to stop it.

Russia’s president, [Vladimir] Putin, really likes to wage war against neighboring countries.

Despite the economic sanctions imposed by ~~the~~ Western countries, he seems unwilling to stop the war.

Whatever the causes of war, the people are always the victims.

Every second, many children die in these places.

On the other hand, in our country, children are expected to grow up in a safe and sound environment.

I cannot help but think about how unequal human lives are.

Feedback

Excellent! Just a few minor changes, but very well-written entry about a deep, complex subject.

War is a devastating thing that impacts people for many generations. People lose family members and their homes which results in many becoming displaced and seeking refuge. It's an unfortunate reality that there are those of us who are able to grow up in peaceful nations where you mostly only need to worry about minor inconveniences, but there are those who are born in warzones who struggle to survive everyday.

ronpei

today

phantomvizさん、添削ありがとうございます。いただいたコメントも大変参考になりました。

yellowman

War

Finally, Israel has attacked Iran’s uranium enrichment facilities.

While Israel and the Palestinians have been in conflict in the Gaza Strip, Iran was expected to take action against Israel.

However, Israel has launched a preemptive attack.

They are like natural enemies.

We Japanese cannot do anything but watch and hope that it will not affect other parts of the world.

Similarly, there is nothing we can do about the Russia-Ukraine war.

Even President Trump has not been able to stop it.

Russia’s president, Putin, really likes to wage war against neighboring countries.

Despite the economic sanctions imposed by the Western countries, he seems unwilling to stop the war.

Whatever the causes of war, the people are always the victims.

Every second, many children die in these places.

I added the comma here because I think it improves readability. Without the comma, the reader may expect this sentence to be introducing another idea later in the sentence, like this:

Every second many children die in these places, it breaks my heart.

So someone may begin reading it without realizing that the sentence doesn´t have this extra part.
Also, I think it´s safe to put a comma after the introductory phrase when it could also come after the main part. For example, it would mean the same thing to say:

Many children die in these places every second.

On the other hand, in our country, children are expected to grow up safe and sound.

I cannot help but think about how unequally human lives are. treated.

There isn´t necessarily anything incorrect here, but this kind of makes it seem like you are saying that human lives are not truly equal, instead of saying that human lives aren´t treated equally (even though they should be treated as equal).

Feedback

Really clear writing with exceedingly minor things I think could improve as I suggested. It is a shame that the world powers don´t seem motivated to pursue peace, especially with all the children who are affected.

ronpei

today

Thank you for your helpful corrections.
>I cannot help but think about how unequally human lives are treated.
I understand your point for this change.

mynameisava

War

Finally, Israel has attacked Iran’s uranium enrichment facilities.

While Israel and the Palestinians have been in conflict in the Gaza Strip, Iran was expected to take action against Israel.

However, Israel has launched a preemptive attack.

They are like natural enemies.

WeIn Japanes, we cannot do anything but watch and hope that it will not affect other parts of the world.

Similarly, there is nothing we can do about the Russia-Ukraine war.

Even President Trump has not been able to stop it.

Russia’s president, Putin, really likes to wage war against neighboring countries.

Despite the economic sanctions imposed by the Western countries, he seems unwilling to stop the war.

Whatever the causes of war, the people are always the victims.

Every second, many children die in these places.

On the other hand, in our country, children are expected to grow up safe and sound.

I cannot help but think about how unequal human lives are.

ronpei

today

Thank you so much!

Even President Trump has not been able to stop it.