heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

April 28, 2021

0
Vagrancy

I watched Nomadland today during dinner time. Although the ending is the lead finally went back home and went on the road again, it was still too abrupt for me. For a film on the same subject, I would choose I Am Another You. It is a documentary about how Dylan, a young man from a middle-class Utah family, lives a life of uncertainty. But about the wandering theme works, my favorite is the game called Life Is Strange 2. The theme of this game is also about education. Because of an accident, the brothers had to run away. The goal of the game is for brothers to cross the United States to Mexico. I couldn't accept the failure to escape or the separation of my brothers at first at all, because I felt that was very, very important to me. Through their journey, at the end of the game I really put the obsession down. The escape involved issues such as guns, marriage, LGBTQ+, drugs, and religion. There were two memorable episodes in the spinoff. One is the brother's mother chose to lose touch with her family completely because she felt tied down by marriage, even to pursue the life she wanted. Another is when brothers failed cross the border, after being caught in detention, met the couple fleeing from Mexico to the United States, the couple said Mexico although all kinds of bad but still want to stay there, but in order to have a better life for the child in the fetus, had to escape. There are very many episodes in it that moved me. This game has multiple endings, my ending is the older brother went to Mexico, the little brother stayed in the United States grandparents home. Of course this is a happy ending.

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Corrections

Vagrancy

I watched Nomadland today during dinner time.

during dinner sounds more natural

Although the ending is the lead finally went back home and went on the road again, it was still too abrupt for me.

> Although the ending is the lead finally went back home
I don't quite understand what you're trying to say here.

For a film on the same subject, I would choose I Am Another You.

It is a documentary about how Dylan, a young man from a middle-class Utah family, lives a life of uncertainty.

But about the wandering theme works, my favorite is the game called Life Is Strange 2.

> But about the wandering them works
Not quite sure what you mean here again.

The theme of this game is also about education.

The theme is - a noun, no need to add about.
Or, "This game is about education".
But not both.

Because of an accident, the brothers had to run away.

The goal of the game is for brothers to cross the from the United States to Mexico.

I couldn't accept the failure to escape or the separation of my brothers at first at all, because I felt that was very, very important to me.

Grammatically correct but just stylistically I'd split it up into two sentences, it's quite long and hard to read.

Through their journey, aAt the end of the game, I refinally put theended my obsession down.

I think this is what you were trying to say? Correct me if I'm wrong.

The escape involved issues such as guns, marriage, LGBTQ+, drugs, and religion.

There were two memorable episodes in the spinoff.

One is when the brother's mother chose to lose touch with her family completely because she felt tied down by marriage, evenin order to pursue the life she wanted.

Another is when brothers failed to cross the border, and after being caught in detention, met thea couple fleeing from Mexico to the United States, t. The couple said Mexicothat although Mexico had all kinds of bad butthings they still wanted to stay there, but in order to have a better life for their unborn child in, the fetus,y had to escape.

Split into two sentences because the one is really too long.
Also, we don't use the word 'fetus' very commonly in written or spoken language unless it is academic or scientific. Instead, it is better to use "unborn child"

There are very many episodes in it that moved me.

This game has multiple endings, in my ending is, the older brother went to Mexico, and the little brother stayed in the United States at his grandparent's home.

Of course this is a happy ending.

Feedback

Well done!

heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

April 29, 2021

0

Although the ending is the lead finally went back home and went on the road again, it was still too abrupt for me.

Although the ending is the lead went back home, and then she went on another road trip...🤔

heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

April 29, 2021

0

Thank you very much :)

Vagrancy


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I watched Nomadland today during dinner time.


I watched Nomadland today during dinner time.

during dinner sounds more natural

Although the ending is the lead finally went back home and went on the road again, it was still too abrupt for me.


Although the ending is the lead finally went back home and went on the road again, it was still too abrupt for me.

> Although the ending is the lead finally went back home I don't quite understand what you're trying to say here.

For a film on the same subject, I would choose I Am Another You.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It is a documentary about how Dylan, a young man from a middle-class Utah family, lives a life of uncertainty.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

But about the wandering theme works, my favorite is the game called Life Is Strange 2.


But about the wandering theme works, my favorite is the game called Life Is Strange 2.

> But about the wandering them works Not quite sure what you mean here again.

The theme of this game is also about education.


The theme of this game is also about education.

The theme is - a noun, no need to add about. Or, "This game is about education". But not both.

Because of an accident, the brothers had to run away.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The goal of the game is for brothers to cross the United States to Mexico.


The goal of the game is for brothers to cross the from the United States to Mexico.

I couldn't accept the failure to escape or the separation of my brothers at first at all, because I felt that was very, very important to me.


I couldn't accept the failure to escape or the separation of my brothers at first at all, because I felt that was very, very important to me.

Grammatically correct but just stylistically I'd split it up into two sentences, it's quite long and hard to read.

Through their journey, at the end of the game I really put the obsession down.


Through their journey, aAt the end of the game, I refinally put theended my obsession down.

I think this is what you were trying to say? Correct me if I'm wrong.

The escape involved issues such as guns, marriage, LGBTQ+, drugs, and religion.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

There were two memorable episodes in the spinoff.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

One is the brother's mother chose to lose touch with her family completely because she felt tied down by marriage, even to pursue the life she wanted.


One is when the brother's mother chose to lose touch with her family completely because she felt tied down by marriage, evenin order to pursue the life she wanted.

Another is when brothers failed cross the border, after being caught in detention, met the couple fleeing from Mexico to the United States, the couple said Mexico although all kinds of bad but still want to stay there, but in order to have a better life for the child in the fetus, had to escape.


Another is when brothers failed to cross the border, and after being caught in detention, met thea couple fleeing from Mexico to the United States, t. The couple said Mexicothat although Mexico had all kinds of bad butthings they still wanted to stay there, but in order to have a better life for their unborn child in, the fetus,y had to escape.

Split into two sentences because the one is really too long. Also, we don't use the word 'fetus' very commonly in written or spoken language unless it is academic or scientific. Instead, it is better to use "unborn child"

There are very many episodes in it that moved me.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This game has multiple endings, my ending is the older brother went to Mexico, the little brother stayed in the United States grandparents home.


This game has multiple endings, in my ending is, the older brother went to Mexico, and the little brother stayed in the United States at his grandparent's home.

Of course this is a happy ending.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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