June 9, 2025
The Forest (part-2)
The feeling was ineffable. The air it exuded grew heavier with inscrutability and seclusion as I wandered deep into the heart of a mystifying old-growth forest. Suddenly, a distinct sonorous cry of a bird resonated across the thick air: a beautiful, yet mournful and eerie yodel of a common loon, resembling the high-pitched howling of a wolf. As an amateur ornithologist, this uncanny wail, which could make normal people startled and run away, couldn’t daunt me easily. Contrary to most people, I followed the fascinating echo of the wailing, expecting a body of water that might be the home to the common loon that made such a hypnotising sound.
Rushing in the direction of the sound, my eyes quickly landed on a sublimity of nature, a perfect spot for photographing. Seeing the clear, exotic sky painted in radiant hues of the evening, I realised I had finally arrived at the edge of shadowy, towering tree clumps. In front of me lay a wide pond veiled in a thin, ghostly fabric of mist and vapours. The falling sun was illuminating its last feeble rays onto the still water surface, shimmering and scintillating like effulgent diamonds scattered over the surface. Dark silhouettes of trees stood quietly on the edges, their reflections faintly rippling on the water.
As an amateur ornithologist, this uncanny wail, which could make normal people startled and run away, couldn’t daunt me easily.
Maybe use "startle" in the present to make it more literary.
If you use "didn't" instead of "couldn't" it gives the feeling of the protagonist being more courageous. Also, as the protagonist is a scientist, they may speak more factual or direct: "which would have made a normal person startle and run away, didn't daunt me at all." This is all nuance that is up to the writer.
Contrary to most people, I followed the fascinating echo of the wailing, expecting a body of water that might be the home to the common loon that made such a hypnotising sound.
I'm not sure what "Contrary to most people" is supposed to mean here. Does it mean that most people wouldn't do what the protagonist decided to do? If so, change "Contrary to" to "Unlike"
"that could be home to the" or "that could be the home of a"
In front of me lay a wide pond veiled in a thin, ghostly fabric of mist and vapours.
I feel like "lies" is correct here. Please, double check this. It's even tough for native speakers.
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You obviously have a strong command of the English language and are able to convey vivid images into my head with your writing. Please, take my comments as suggestions only. I haven't read the first part of the story so maybe some of my comments are out of place.
The Forest (pPart- 2)
Since that is still part of the title, it should be capitalized, and the dash is unnecessary.
The feeling was ineffable.
The air ithat the place exuded grew heavier with inscrutability and seclusion as I wandered deep into the heart of a mystifying old-growth forest.
It is unclear what "it" means here. What is doing the act of exuding?
Suddenly, a distinct sonorous cry of a bird resonated across the thick air: a beautiful, yet mournful and eerie yodel of a common loon, resembling the high-pitched howling of a wolf.
As an amateur ornithologist, this uncanny wail, which could make normal people startled and run away, couldn’t daunt me easily.
Contrary to most people, I followed the fascinating echo of the wailing, expecting a body of water that might be the home to the common loon that made such a hypnotising sound.
Rushing in the direction of the sound, my eyes quickly landed on a sublimity of nature, a perfect spot for photographing.
Seeing the clear, exotic sky painted in the radiant hues of the evening, I realised I had finally arrived at the edge of shadowy, towering tree clumps.
If the meaning is that the evening has radiant hues, then "the" would help the flow.
In front of me lay a wide pond veiled in a thin, ghostly fabric of mist and vapours.
The falling sun was illuminating its last feeble rays onto the still water surface, shimmering and scintillating like effulgent diamonds scattered over the surface.
Dark silhouettes of trees stood quietly on the edges, their reflections faintly rippling on the water.
Feedback
Super descriptive and intelligible writing! Errors were minor and had more to do with conventions.
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Contrary to most people, I followed the fascinating echo of the wailing, expecting a body of water that might be the home to the common loon that made such a hypnotising sound. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Contrary to most people, I followed the fascinating echo of the wailing, expecting a body of water that might be the home to the common loon that made such a hypnotising sound. I'm not sure what "Contrary to most people" is supposed to mean here. Does it mean that most people wouldn't do what the protagonist decided to do? If so, change "Contrary to" to "Unlike" "that could be home to the" or "that could be the home of a" |
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Rushing in the direction of the sound, my eyes quickly landed on a sublimity of nature, a perfect spot for photographing. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Seeing the clear, exotic sky painted in radiant hues of the evening, I realised I had finally arrived at the edge of shadowy, towering tree clumps. Seeing the clear, exotic sky painted in the radiant hues of the evening, I realised I had finally arrived at the edge of shadowy, towering tree clumps. If the meaning is that the evening has radiant hues, then "the" would help the flow. |
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In front of me lay a wide pond veiled in a thin, ghostly fabric of mist and vapours. This sentence has been marked as perfect! In front of me lay a wide pond veiled in a thin, ghostly fabric of mist and vapours. I feel like "lies" is correct here. Please, double check this. It's even tough for native speakers. |
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The falling sun was illuminating its last feeble rays onto the still water surface, shimmering and scintillating like effulgent diamonds scattered over the surface. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Dark silhouettes of trees stood quietly on the edges, their reflections faintly rippling on the water. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The Forest (part-2) The Forest ( Since that is still part of the title, it should be capitalized, and the dash is unnecessary. |
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The feeling was ineffable. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The air it exuded grew heavier with inscrutability and seclusion as I wandered deep into the heart of a mystifying old-growth forest. The air It is unclear what "it" means here. What is doing the act of exuding? |
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Suddenly, a distinct sonorous cry of a bird resonated across the thick air: a beautiful, yet mournful and eerie yodel of a common loon, resembling the high-pitched howling of a wolf. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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As an amateur ornithologist, this uncanny wail, which could make normal people startled and run away, couldn’t daunt me easily. This sentence has been marked as perfect! As an amateur ornithologist, this uncanny wail, which could make normal people startled and run away, couldn’t daunt me easily. Maybe use "startle" in the present to make it more literary. If you use "didn't" instead of "couldn't" it gives the feeling of the protagonist being more courageous. Also, as the protagonist is a scientist, they may speak more factual or direct: "which would have made a normal person startle and run away, didn't daunt me at all." This is all nuance that is up to the writer. |
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