violet_24's avatar
violet_24

June 8, 2025

19
The forest (part-1)

The cold breeze mingled with humidity, and the rich scent of moss gently passed through me, welcoming me from a place of unknown. The moss-clad, overgrown trees were hovering up in the sky, blocking the rays of ebullient sunlight with their leafy branches and creating an enigmatic yet enchanting little world underneath, separated from the chaotic world outside. Myriads of plants and vegetation stretched across the terrains of the ancient forest. The ecosystem was thriving behind the eerily silent ambience. However, there were a few mournful calls of birds, the chirping noises of insects, and the faint rustling of leaves harmonizing a quiet symphony—a piece of comforting ,yet peculiar background music that gave a inexplicable sensation.
Holding my camera up close to my eyes as I targeted my shoot at the canopy, where the slim shafts of light beamed down through the slight gaps between the tree branches. The dead twigs and boughs cracked under my boots as I moved here and there to capture a great photo. Then, I continued to follow the obscured trail, covered with dried litter and branches, which led to a hidden, secretive site—that’s what I believed.


I tried to use a few new words that I learned. Please let me know if any of them don't fit the content.

fictiondescriptive
Corrections

The fForest (part-1)

Generally, all words in a title are capitalised.

The cold breeze mingled withweighed of humidity, and the rich scent of moss gently passed through me, welcoming me from a place of the unknown.

(1) "Mingled with humidity" doesn't strike me as a very natural expression, since humidity is an intrinsic quality of air. I just replaced it with something else that can also convey the sense of humidity.
(2) When "unknown" is used as a noun in this way, I find it more natural to say "the unknown". If you meant for "unknown" to be an adjective, we'd write "from a place unknown".

The moss-clad, overgrown trees were hoverreaching up into the sky, blocking the rays of ebullient sunlight with their leafy branches and creating an enigmatic yet enchanting little world underneath, separated from the chaotic world outside.

(1) hover: remain in one place in the air. Trees can't hover in air!
(2) To be frank, this is my first encounter with the word "ebullient", but from what I can tell, its use seems fine here.

Myriads of plants and vegetation stretched across the terrains of the ancient forest.

Just keep in mind that "terrain" is generally an uncountable noun. It becomes countable ("terrains") when referring to different types of terrain.

The ecosystem was thriving behindunder the eerily silent ambience.

Generally, we'd think of ambience as the ultimate backdrop of a setting, so I'd prefer an expression that is not "behind the ambience". "Under" should be a fine substitute.

However, there were a few mournful calls of birds, the chirping noises of insects, and the faint rustling of leaves harmonizing a quiet symphony—a piece of comforting , yet peculiar background music that gave an inexplicable sensation.

Holding my camera up close to my eyes as I target, I aimed my shoot at the canopy, where the slim shafts of light beamed down through the slight gaps between the tree branches.

(1) "Holding my camera...as I..." implies a secondary action, such as in the sentence "Holding my camera as I aimed my shot, I caught a glimpse of a squirrel." However, we don't see this in the original sentence, so I just made "I aimed my shot" the secondary action.
(2) Alternatively: "I held my camera up close to my eyes as I aimed my shot..."
(3) I don't think "targeted" is used this way. "Aimed" would definitely be more natural.
(4) "Shoot" refers to the event of taking photographs, while "shot" refers to the camera's range.

The dead twigs and boughs cracksnapped under my boots as I moved here and there to capture a great photo.

(1) "Cracked" is okay, but in my experience, "snapped" is more commonly used when describing twigs.
(2) Your original sentence is fine, and this might be just me, but the phrases "here and there" and "great" don't seem to match the more literary and refined writing style of the previous sentences. Allow me to suggest: "The dead twigs and boughs snapped under my boots as I moved around in an attempt to capture a good photo."

Then, I continued to follow the obscured trail, covered with dried litter and branches, which led to a hidden, secretive site—that’s what I believed.

Feedback

A very well-written piece of prose!

violet_24's avatar
violet_24

June 13, 2025

19

I’m really grateful for your compliment. I’ll definitely take your suggestions into account to improve my writing.

However, there were a few mournful calls of birds, the chirping noises of insects, and the faint rustling of leaves harmonizing a quiet symphony—a piece of comforting , yet peculiar background music that gave a inexplicable sensation.

Holding my camera up close to my eyes as, I targeted my shoot at the canopy, where the slim shafts of light beamed down through the slight gaps between the tree branches.

Then, I continued to follow the obscured trail, covered with dried leaf litter and branches, which led to a hidden, secretive site—that’s what I believed.

Usually we use "leaf litter" to specifically talk about fallen leaves lying on the ground in the forest, since litter could also mean garbage/rubbish. I think it sounds a little better with the extra word added in.

violet_24's avatar
violet_24

June 13, 2025

19

Thank you so much for the corrections!

The forest (part-1)


The fForest (part-1)

Generally, all words in a title are capitalised.

The cold breeze mingled with humidity, and the rich scent of moss gently passed through me, welcoming me from a place of unknown.


The cold breeze mingled withweighed of humidity, and the rich scent of moss gently passed through me, welcoming me from a place of the unknown.

(1) "Mingled with humidity" doesn't strike me as a very natural expression, since humidity is an intrinsic quality of air. I just replaced it with something else that can also convey the sense of humidity. (2) When "unknown" is used as a noun in this way, I find it more natural to say "the unknown". If you meant for "unknown" to be an adjective, we'd write "from a place unknown".

The moss-clad, overgrown trees were hovering up in the sky, blocking the rays of ebullient sunlight with their leafy branches and creating an enigmatic yet enchanting little world underneath, separated from the chaotic world outside.


The moss-clad, overgrown trees were hoverreaching up into the sky, blocking the rays of ebullient sunlight with their leafy branches and creating an enigmatic yet enchanting little world underneath, separated from the chaotic world outside.

(1) hover: remain in one place in the air. Trees can't hover in air! (2) To be frank, this is my first encounter with the word "ebullient", but from what I can tell, its use seems fine here.

Myriads of plants and vegetation stretched across the terrains of the ancient forest.


Myriads of plants and vegetation stretched across the terrains of the ancient forest.

Just keep in mind that "terrain" is generally an uncountable noun. It becomes countable ("terrains") when referring to different types of terrain.

The ecosystem was thriving behind the eerily silent ambience.


The ecosystem was thriving behindunder the eerily silent ambience.

Generally, we'd think of ambience as the ultimate backdrop of a setting, so I'd prefer an expression that is not "behind the ambience". "Under" should be a fine substitute.

However, there were a few mournful calls of birds, the chirping noises of insects, and the faint rustling of leaves harmonizing a quiet symphony—a piece of comforting ,yet peculiar background music that gave a inexplicable sensation.


However, there were a few mournful calls of birds, the chirping noises of insects, and the faint rustling of leaves harmonizing a quiet symphony—a piece of comforting , yet peculiar background music that gave a inexplicable sensation.

However, there were a few mournful calls of birds, the chirping noises of insects, and the faint rustling of leaves harmonizing a quiet symphony—a piece of comforting , yet peculiar background music that gave an inexplicable sensation.

Holding my camera up close to my eyes as I targeted my shoot at the canopy, where the slim shafts of light beamed down through the slight gaps between the tree branches.


Holding my camera up close to my eyes as, I targeted my shoot at the canopy, where the slim shafts of light beamed down through the slight gaps between the tree branches.

Holding my camera up close to my eyes as I target, I aimed my shoot at the canopy, where the slim shafts of light beamed down through the slight gaps between the tree branches.

(1) "Holding my camera...as I..." implies a secondary action, such as in the sentence "Holding my camera as I aimed my shot, I caught a glimpse of a squirrel." However, we don't see this in the original sentence, so I just made "I aimed my shot" the secondary action. (2) Alternatively: "I held my camera up close to my eyes as I aimed my shot..." (3) I don't think "targeted" is used this way. "Aimed" would definitely be more natural. (4) "Shoot" refers to the event of taking photographs, while "shot" refers to the camera's range.

The dead twigs and boughs cracked under my boots as I moved here and there to capture a great photo.


The dead twigs and boughs cracksnapped under my boots as I moved here and there to capture a great photo.

(1) "Cracked" is okay, but in my experience, "snapped" is more commonly used when describing twigs. (2) Your original sentence is fine, and this might be just me, but the phrases "here and there" and "great" don't seem to match the more literary and refined writing style of the previous sentences. Allow me to suggest: "The dead twigs and boughs snapped under my boots as I moved around in an attempt to capture a good photo."

Then, I continued to follow the obscured trail, covered with dried litter and branches, which led to a hidden, secretive site—that’s what I believed.


Then, I continued to follow the obscured trail, covered with dried leaf litter and branches, which led to a hidden, secretive site—that’s what I believed.

Usually we use "leaf litter" to specifically talk about fallen leaves lying on the ground in the forest, since litter could also mean garbage/rubbish. I think it sounds a little better with the extra word added in.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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