yesterday
my first short story
few days ago, I went to Germany for holidays, my daughter hosh me in her flat in Berlin, this is the first european city which I had seen. I can't believe that exist a city so beautiful and cosmopolitan, but which more surprising me had been its culture and clean, definitely, in Berlin I feel at the first world. Certainly, I'm from Colombia in South America.
Hace pocos dias, vine a Alemania por vacaciones, mi hija me hospedó en su apartamento en Berlin, esta es la primer ciudad europea que he visto. no puedo creer que exista una ciudad tan hermosa y cosmopolita, pero lo mas sorprendente ha sido su cultura y limpieza, definitivamente, en Berlin me siento en el primer mundo. por cierto, vengo de Colombia en Suramerica.
mMy first short story:
Colons can be used to introduce something.
A few days ago, I went to Germany for the/my holidays, m. My daughter hoshted me in her flat in Berlin, twhisch is the first eEuropean city which I had seen.
I can't believe that exist a city sosuch a beautiful and cosmopolitan, but which more surprising me had been its city exists, but what has surprised me more had is the culture and the clean, definitely,liness in Berlin; I feel at the first world.
I don't know what you mean by "I feel at the first world". Do you mean a "first world country"? Or "first class"?
Certainly, I'm from Colombia in South America.
today
Hi, thank you so much for your help, I want to mean a "first world country"
mMy first short story
Some basic capitalisation; it's not too consequential. Some would probably insist on capitalising every word too, as in "My First Short Story" since it's a title, but I don't think it matters too much.
A few days ago, I went to Germany for the holidays, and my daughter hoshted me in her flat in Berlin, t. This iwas the first eEuropean city which I had seen.
"European" should be capitalised, because "Europe" is a proper noun. Also, I split the sentence into two so it flows more nicely.
I caouldn't believe that there existed a city so beautiful and cosmopolitan, but whichat was more surprising me had beento me was its culture and clean,iness. I definitely, in Berlin I feel at the felt its first world status.
A lot of changes made here! Don't be too daunted. Let me go through the biggest ones.
First, you should be using the simple past tense. So, "can't" → "couldn't"; "exist" → "existed"; "had been" → "was"; "feel" → "felt".
Second, the expression of the ideas was a little awkward, so I corrected the existing grammar structures. Do take some time to understand them.
Third, "in Berlin" was a little redundant, so I removed it. It will still be clear to the reader that you're still talking about Berlin.
CertainlBy the way, I'm from Colombia in South America.
"Certainly" is used to emphasise the truth of a statement, usually in a way that is relevant to the context. However, the change in topic here is quite abrupt. I'd suggest using "By the way" to soften the transition instead.
Feedback
Good try for your first short story! I certainly hope it won't be your last :)
yesterday
Typo on my part; "cleanliness", not "cleaniness".
today
Thanks, I will trying again.
today
I'm very grateful.
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my first short story
Some basic capitalisation; it's not too consequential. Some would probably insist on capitalising every word too, as in "My First Short Story" since it's a title, but I don't think it matters too much.
Colons can be used to introduce something. |
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few days ago, I went to Germany for holidays, my daughter hosh me in her flat in Berlin, this is the first european city which I had seen. A few days ago, I went to Germany for the holidays, and my daughter hos "European" should be capitalised, because "Europe" is a proper noun. Also, I split the sentence into two so it flows more nicely. A few days ago, I went to Germany for the/my holidays |
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I can't believe that exist a city so beautiful and cosmopolitan, but which more surprising me had been its culture and clean, definitely, in Berlin I feel at the first world. I c A lot of changes made here! Don't be too daunted. Let me go through the biggest ones. First, you should be using the simple past tense. So, "can't" → "couldn't"; "exist" → "existed"; "had been" → "was"; "feel" → "felt". Second, the expression of the ideas was a little awkward, so I corrected the existing grammar structures. Do take some time to understand them. Third, "in Berlin" was a little redundant, so I removed it. It will still be clear to the reader that you're still talking about Berlin. I can't believe that I don't know what you mean by "I feel at the first world". Do you mean a "first world country"? Or "first class"? |
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Certainly, I'm from Colombia in South America.
"Certainly" is used to emphasise the truth of a statement, usually in a way that is relevant to the context. However, the change in topic here is quite abrupt. I'd suggest using "By the way" to soften the transition instead.
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