April 16, 2025
My Eldest Brother
My eldest brother is twelve years older than me. I can’t remember many things when I lived with him. When he joined the army, I was only in Grade Two at a primary school.
He completed high school courses in our local high school, but he couldn’t take the university entrance exam as the exam was canceled in China from 1966 to 1977.
At that time, living conditions in the countryside were extremely tough. We didn’t even have enough food and clothes. Therefore, my eldest brother decided to join the army, which was the only path for him to get a better life.
Three years after he started serving in the army, he got promoted to be an officer. His position started from a platoon leader and ended as a battalion commander.
After he was discharged from the army, he was allocated a job in a state-owned company in Shanghai. He was one of the leaders in that company.
Now, he has been retired for ten years. His family lives in Shanghai. He has a son, my nephew, who also lives and works in Shanghai.
My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and a country. My family worried a lot about his life when he was in that war.
I hope my eldest brother and his family stay healthy, happy and peaceful.
My EOldest Brother
More natural to talk about oldest here, I think.
My eoldest brother is twelve years older than me.
I can’t remember many things from when I lived with him.
Therefore, my eoldest brother decided to join the army, which was the only path for him to get a better life.
Three years after he started serving in the army, he got promoted to be an officer.
More natural to say "to an officer", I think
His position started fromas a platoon leader and ended up as a battalion commander.
My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and another country.
I hope my eldest brother and his family stay healthy, happy and peaceful.
You could probably have stopped specifying "eldest" / "oldest" earlier in this piece, but especially in this final paragraph, it sounds a bit more personable and natural to omit the "eldest/oldest". It's hard to explain why, but when you talk about him as your oldest/eldest brother, it's like you're talking about him abstractly, but once you're expressing your hopes for him, it sounds better to more familiar with just "my brother".
April 16, 2025
Thank you very much.
My Eldest Brother
My eldest brother is twelve years older than me.
I can’t remember many things from when I lived with him.
When he joined the army, I was only in Grade Two at a primary school.
He completed high school courses in our local high school, but he couldn’t take the university entrance exam as the exam was canceled in China from 1966 to 1977.
At that time, living conditions in the countryside were extremely tough.
We didn’t even have enough food and clothes.
Therefore, my eldest brother decided to join the army, which was the only path for him to get a better life.
Three years after he started serving in the army, he got promoted to be an officer.
His position started from a platoon leader and ended as a battalion commander.
After he was discharged from the army, he was allocated a job in a state-owned company in Shanghai.
He was one of the leaders in that company.
Now, he has been retired for ten years.
His family lives in Shanghai.
He has a son, my nephew, who also lives and works in Shanghai.
My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and another country.
My family worried a lot about his life when he was in that war.
I hope my eldest brother and his family stay healthy, happy and peaceful.
April 16, 2025
Thank you very much.
When he joined the army, I was only in Ggrade Ttwo at a primary school.
My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army, and he also took part in a war between China and a country.
"he also took part in a war between China and a country" could be a sentence by itself so you have to put a comma before "and"
Feedback
You write very well!
April 16, 2025
Thank you very much.
My Eldest Brother
My eldest brother is twelve years older than me.
I can’t remember many things from when I lived with him.
When he joined the army, I was only in Grade Two at a primary school.
He completed high school courses in our local high school, but he couldn’t take the university entrance exam as the exam was canceled in China from 1966 to 1977.
At that time, living conditions in the countryside were extremely tough.
We didn’t even have enough food and clothes.
Therefore, my eldest brother decided to join the army, which was the only path for him to get a better life.
Three years after he started serving in the army, he got promoted to be an officer.
His positione started fromas a platoon leader and ended as a battalion commander.
After he was discharged from the army, he was allocated a job in a state-owned company in Shanghai.
He was one of the leaders in that company.
Now, he has been retired for ten years.
His family lives in Shanghai.
He has a son, my nephew, who also lives and works in Shanghai.
My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and a country.
My family worried a lot about his life when he was in that war.
I hope my eldest brother and his family stay healthy, happy and peaceful.
Feedback
Thank you for writing this and for sharing it, I hope the same thing as you for your brother!
April 16, 2025
Thank you very much.
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My Eldest Brother This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! My More natural to talk about oldest here, I think. |
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I hope my eldest brother and his family stay healthy, happy and peaceful. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! I hope my You could probably have stopped specifying "eldest" / "oldest" earlier in this piece, but especially in this final paragraph, it sounds a bit more personable and natural to omit the "eldest/oldest". It's hard to explain why, but when you talk about him as your oldest/eldest brother, it's like you're talking about him abstractly, but once you're expressing your hopes for him, it sounds better to more familiar with just "my brother". |
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I can’t remember many things when I lived with him. I can’t remember many things from when I lived with him. I can’t remember many things from when I lived with him. I can’t remember many things from when I lived with him. |
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My eldest brother is twelve years older than me. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! My |
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We didn’t even have enough food and clothes. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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这段文本语法和表达基本正确，仅有一处小细节可以优化：“I was only in Grade Two in a primary school”可改为“I was only in Grade Two at a primary school”，“在小学”常用“at a primary school” 。修改后的全文如下： My eldest brother is twelve years older than me. |
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His family lives in Shanghai. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He has a son, my nephew, who also lives and works in Shanghai. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and a country. This sentence has been marked as perfect! My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army, and he also took part in a war between China and a country. "he also took part in a war between China and a country" could be a sentence by itself so you have to put a comma before "and" My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and another country. My eldest brother received many awards while he was serving in the army and he also took part in a war between China and another country. |
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My family worried a lot about his life when he was in that war. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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When he joined the army, I was only in Grade Two at a primary school. This sentence has been marked as perfect! When he joined the army, I was only in This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He completed high school courses in our local high school, but he couldn’t take the university entrance exam as the exam was canceled in China from 1966 to 1977. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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At that time, living conditions in the countryside were extremely tough. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Therefore, my eldest brother decided to join the army, which was the only path for him to get a better life. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! Therefore, my |
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Three years after he started serving in the army, he got promoted to be an officer. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! Three years after he started serving in the army, he got promoted to More natural to say "to an officer", I think |
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His position started from a platoon leader and ended as a battalion commander. H This sentence has been marked as perfect! His position started |
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After he was discharged from the army, he was allocated a job in a state-owned company in Shanghai. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He was one of the leaders in that company. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Now, he has been retired for ten years. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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