kaguyahime's avatar
kaguyahime

May 4, 2021

0
My comments for My Octopus Teacher on Netflix, Part 2

One day, beside the female octopus , a male octopus showed up for mating with her. In the movie, we didn't see that the male octopus die, however according to the article, after the male octopus had sexual intercourse with the female octopus , he died because his mission was over. On the other hand, the female octopus deposited eggs and protect them from other fishes until hatching without taking feeds more than three months. Finally, all her eggs incubated in front of her, then her body was completely lost power and just spread all her legs loosely on the bottom of the sea floor without energy. Then her mission was completed. Suddenly, a quick- eyed shark found her out and took her in its mouth rapidly. Afterward, the shark left from the spot looked happily.

The researcher said that he could save her from the shark, but he didn't. Because he thought he shouldn't change natural phenomenon. Also, even if he saved her, she won't live longer. That was her fate.

Usually an octopus's lifetime is short , which is between two year and three years. During such a short life , they have to survive from their enemy such as sharks. In addition, they have to find out their partner for leave their descendants that is only one chance in their whole lives. Sadly after they achieve it , both a male and female need to be died. I was impressed with this movie and thought that an octopus's
natural instinct is so severe and sad compare to human. From now on I might recall this octopus life when I see octopus at the supermarket and I might hesitate to buy an octopus for cooking.

Corrections

My comments for "My Octopus Teacher" on Netflix, - Part 2

When naming a TV show, it is sometimes better to write the show's name in quotes.

One day, beside the female octopus , a male octopus showed up beside a female octopus showed up forto matinge with her.

In the movie, we didn't see that the male octopus die, h. However, according to the article, after the male octopus dies after had sexual intercourse with the female octopus , h. He dieds because his mission wais over.

This is an example of a run-on sentence. There are multiple complete sentences here. And each of these sentences should end with a period (not a comma). Also please pay attention to how you use commas. When you begin a sentence with However, you'll need a comma. And also after "according to the article".

On the other hand, the female octopus deposited eggs and protected them from other fishes until hatching. She does this without takeating feedsor more than three months.

Finally, with all her eggs incubated in front of her, then her body was completely lost powershe is exhausted and just spreads all her legs loosely on the bottom of the sea floor without energy.

Instead of saying that her body has lost power and she is without energy, it might be better to say is exhausted or very tired. It gives an image of her having no energy left to continue.

Then, her mission was completed.

There should be a comma after "Then". Please review your comma usage.

Suddenly, a quick- eyed shark found her out and took her in its mouth rapidly.

There should only be one space between words. In this sentence, you put two spaces between a couple of words. You could also use "quickly" instead of "rapidly". But I'm not sure if there is a big difference between both words. Maybe rapidly sounds
a little more formal that quickly. But I'm not sure.

Afterward, the shark left from the spot lookeding happily.

I don't think "left from the spot" is incorrect. But I've heard "left the spot" more often.

The researcher said that he could have saved her from the shark, but he didn't.

Because he thought he shouldn't change natural phenomenoninterfere with nature.

Maybe two phrases that could be used are "shouldn't interfere with nature" or "should let nature take its course". Both phrases refer to not trying to change nature and letting it occur without interference.

Also, even if he saved her, she won't live much longer.

The octopus would definitely live longer because it wouldn't be killed. But it wouldn't live MUCH longer. Maybe another shark would eventually come by and eat the octopus.

That was her fate.

Usually, an octopus's lifetime is short , which is. Often between two year and three years.

During such a short life , they have to survive from their enemyies such as sharks.

In addition, they have to find out their mating partner for leave their descendants that isand may only have once chance in their whole livelives to create descendants.

Sadly after they achieve it successfully mate and bear children, both a male and female octopus will need to be died.

I was impressed with this movie and thought that an octopus's

natural instinct is so severe and sad compared to humans.

I don't think "severe" is the best word, but I'm not sure what to replace it with. Maybe an octopus's natural environment is so severe compared to humans.

From now on, I might recall this octopus's life when I see octopus at the supermarket and I might hesitate to buy an octopus for cooking a meal.

There needs to be a comma after "From now on". And it is "octopus's life".

Feedback

I enjoyed your story. Octopuses have been often studied and are know to be among the most intelligent sea creatures. I will also think about this octopus when see them in the seafood section of a supermarket.

kaguyahime's avatar
kaguyahime

May 9, 2021

0

Thank you so much for your correction. I need to study and memorize harder.

My comments for My Octopus Teacher on Netflix, Part 2

One day, beside the female octopus , a male octopus showed up for mating with her.

Afterward, the shark left from the spot looked happily.

Maybe the shark happily left the spot. Or the shark appeared satisfied upon leaving the spot

That was her fate.

In addition, they have to find out their partner forto leave their descendants that isare only one chance in their whole lives.

Sadly after they achieve it , both a male and female need to be died.

natural instinct is so severe and sad compared to humans.

kaguyahime's avatar
kaguyahime

May 8, 2021

0

Thank you so much for your correction. When I am writing a journal , I should pay attention to all sentences more carefully. Have a nice day !

avdwilde's avatar
avdwilde

May 8, 2021

0

No problem! You too!

My comments for My Octopus Teacher on Netflix, Part 2


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

My comments for "My Octopus Teacher" on Netflix, - Part 2

When naming a TV show, it is sometimes better to write the show's name in quotes.

One day, beside the female octopus , a male octopus showed up for mating with her.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

One day, beside the female octopus , a male octopus showed up beside a female octopus showed up forto matinge with her.

In the movie, we didn't see that the male octopus die, however according to the article, after the male octopus had sexual intercourse with the female octopus , he died because his mission was over.


In the movie, we didn't see that the male octopus die, h. However, according to the article, after the male octopus dies after had sexual intercourse with the female octopus , h. He dieds because his mission wais over.

This is an example of a run-on sentence. There are multiple complete sentences here. And each of these sentences should end with a period (not a comma). Also please pay attention to how you use commas. When you begin a sentence with However, you'll need a comma. And also after "according to the article".

On the other hand, the female octopus deposited eggs and protect them from other fishes until hatching without taking feeds more than three months.


On the other hand, the female octopus deposited eggs and protected them from other fishes until hatching. She does this without takeating feedsor more than three months.

Finally, all her eggs incubated in front of her, then her body was completely lost power and just spread all her legs loosely on the bottom of the sea floor without energy.


Finally, with all her eggs incubated in front of her, then her body was completely lost powershe is exhausted and just spreads all her legs loosely on the bottom of the sea floor without energy.

Instead of saying that her body has lost power and she is without energy, it might be better to say is exhausted or very tired. It gives an image of her having no energy left to continue.

Then her mission was completed.


Then, her mission was completed.

There should be a comma after "Then". Please review your comma usage.

Suddenly, a quick- eyed shark found her out and took her in its mouth rapidly.


Suddenly, a quick- eyed shark found her out and took her in its mouth rapidly.

There should only be one space between words. In this sentence, you put two spaces between a couple of words. You could also use "quickly" instead of "rapidly". But I'm not sure if there is a big difference between both words. Maybe rapidly sounds a little more formal that quickly. But I'm not sure.

Afterward, the shark left from the spot looked happily.


Afterward, the shark left from the spot looked happily.

Maybe the shark happily left the spot. Or the shark appeared satisfied upon leaving the spot

Afterward, the shark left from the spot lookeding happily.

I don't think "left from the spot" is incorrect. But I've heard "left the spot" more often.

The researcher said that he could save her from the shark, but he didn't.


The researcher said that he could have saved her from the shark, but he didn't.

Because he thought he shouldn't change natural phenomenon.


Because he thought he shouldn't change natural phenomenoninterfere with nature.

Maybe two phrases that could be used are "shouldn't interfere with nature" or "should let nature take its course". Both phrases refer to not trying to change nature and letting it occur without interference.

Also, even if he saved her, she won't live longer.


Also, even if he saved her, she won't live much longer.

The octopus would definitely live longer because it wouldn't be killed. But it wouldn't live MUCH longer. Maybe another shark would eventually come by and eat the octopus.

That was her fate.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Usually an octopus's lifetime is short , which is between two year and three years.


Usually, an octopus's lifetime is short , which is. Often between two year and three years.

During such a short life , they have to survive from their enemy such as sharks.


During such a short life , they have to survive from their enemyies such as sharks.

In addition, they have to find out their partner for leave their descendants that is only one chance in their whole lives.


In addition, they have to find out their partner forto leave their descendants that isare only one chance in their whole lives.

In addition, they have to find out their mating partner for leave their descendants that isand may only have once chance in their whole livelives to create descendants.

Sadly after they achieve it , both a male and female need to be died.


Sadly after they achieve it , both a male and female need to be died.

Sadly after they achieve it successfully mate and bear children, both a male and female octopus will need to be died.

I was impressed with this movie and thought that an octopus's


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

natural instinct is so severe and sad compare to human.


natural instinct is so severe and sad compared to humans.

natural instinct is so severe and sad compared to humans.

I don't think "severe" is the best word, but I'm not sure what to replace it with. Maybe an octopus's natural environment is so severe compared to humans.

From now on I might recall this octopus life when I see octopus at the supermarket and I might hesitate to buy an octopus for cooking.


From now on, I might recall this octopus's life when I see octopus at the supermarket and I might hesitate to buy an octopus for cooking a meal.

There needs to be a comma after "From now on". And it is "octopus's life".

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