Sept. 20, 2025
Memory of alchohol
In 2004's new year's eve, when I was only 14 years old, my aunt asked me to carry the pack of cans of beer out of truck. I joked her what if I can joined her party tonight. She nonchalantly agreed contrast with my absolute shocks. "How could auntie can give a minor a drink without second thought?" I wondered. I knew at the time that all of my friends had already drunk alchohol. They're bragging to me at the school all time. Howevery, my mind filled is with consequences from comsuming this poison: liver cancer, brain damage, and decreasing the sperm count. But, in the end I reluntantly accept my aunt's invitation as I fear to miss my teenager experience and curious about How rightful my friends' claims are.
I sat on the shaky plastic stool after I put pack of beer on the table. Surrounding with stranger, who already had conversation partners, gave me a little of anxeity. Luckily nearby uncle noticed me. I was chit-chating with him for a while until the Thai barbecue pan arrived. Everyone were giving a toast while my heart were racing with excitment. I siped beer and instantly regreted it. Not only it is bitter, it also burn my thoart. My face twisted to disappointment, which uncle took notice. "You don't need to drink all of it! Noone is pressuring you." Uncle exclaimed. That said, that night is wonderful because I now can trash talk my friends' taste.
Memory of alchohol
In 2004's new year's eve, when I was only 14 years old, my aunt asked me to carry thea pack of cans ofned beer out of the truck.
Since you're introducing the beer it's "a pack" and not "the pack". Now that you've established it. It can be "the pack" in later sentences to refer back to the same pack you introduced here.
I joked her with her, "what if I can joined her party tonight".
She nonchalantly agreed contrast withto my absolute shocks.
"How could auntie can give a minor a drink without second thought?"
, I wondered.
This sentence clause gets attached to the previous sentence.
I knew at the time that all of my friends had already druank alchohol.
"my friends already drank alcohol" makes it's sound more habitual and not simply that your friends already drunk alcohol before one or two times.
They're bragging to me at the school all time.
Howevery, my mind filled is with consequences from comnsuming this poison: liver cancer, brain damage, and decreasing the sperm count.
But, in the end, I relunctantly accepted my aunt's invitation as I fear tofearing I'd miss my teenager experience, and curious about Hhow rightful my friends' claims are.
I'd recommend just breaking off the last part: "and curious about how right my friends' claims are " into its own sentence.
I sat on the shaky plastic stool after I put the pack of beer on the table.
Surrounding myself with strangers, who already had conversation partners, gave me a little bit of anxeiety.
"who already had conversation partners" is more typical for formal or educational settings. For a casual party you'd say: "already talking to people,"
Luckily, nearby my uncle noticed me.
I was chit-chating with him for a while until the Thai barbecue pan arrived.
Everyone wereas giving a toast while my heart were racing with excitement.
I siped beer and instantly regreted it.
Not only it iswas it bitter, it also burned my throart.
My face twisted to disappointment, whichmy uncle took notice.
"My face twisted to disappointment" is very stylistic. Great job.
"You don't need to drink all of it!
No one is pressuring you."
,Uncle exclaimed.
Attach this to previous sentence.
That said, that night iwas wonderful because I now can trash talk my friends' taste.
Feedback
Nice work.
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Memory of alchohol This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Not only it is bitter, it also burn my thoart. Not only |
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My face twisted to disappointment, which uncle took notice. My face twisted to disappointment, "My face twisted to disappointment" is very stylistic. Great job. |
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"You don't need to drink all of it! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Noone is pressuring you." No one is pressuring you." |
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In 2004's new year's eve, when I was only 14 years old, my aunt asked me to carry the pack of cans of beer out of truck. In 2004's new year's eve Since you're introducing the beer it's "a pack" and not "the pack". Now that you've established it. It can be "the pack" in later sentences to refer back to the same pack you introduced here. |
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I joked her what if I can joined her party tonight. I joked |
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She nonchalantly agreed contrast with my absolute shocks. She nonchalantly agreed |
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"How could auntie can give a minor a drink without second thought?" "How could auntie |
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I wondered. , I wondered. This sentence clause gets attached to the previous sentence. |
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I knew at the time that all of my friends had already drunk alchohol. I knew at the time that all of my friends "my friends already drank alcohol" makes it's sound more habitual and not simply that your friends already drunk alcohol before one or two times. |
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They're bragging to me at the school all time. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Howevery, my mind filled is with consequences from comsuming this poison: liver cancer, brain damage, and decreasing the sperm count. However |
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But, in the end I reluntantly accept my aunt's invitation as I fear to miss my teenager experience and curious about How rightful my friends' claims are. But I'd recommend just breaking off the last part: "and curious about how right my friends' claims are " into its own sentence. |
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I sat on the shaky plastic stool after I put pack of beer on the table. I sat on the shaky plastic stool after I put the pack of beer on the table. |
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Surrounding with stranger, who already had conversation partners, gave me a little of anxeity. Surrounding myself with strangers, who already had conversation partners, gave me a little bit of anx "who already had conversation partners" is more typical for formal or educational settings. For a casual party you'd say: "already talking to people," |
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Luckily nearby uncle noticed me. Luckily, nearby my uncle noticed me. |
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I was chit-chating with him for a while until the Thai barbecue pan arrived. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Everyone were giving a toast while my heart were racing with excitment. Everyone w |
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I siped beer and instantly regreted it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Uncle exclaimed. ,Uncle exclaimed. Attach this to previous sentence. |
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That said, that night is wonderful because I now can trash talk my friends' taste. That said, that night |
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