March 29, 2021
Korossol On The Road 5
She came home with Jason still crying and didnt say anything. She didn't say a word and their parents didn't understand what happened. Her brother finally calmed down and told them about the scary old woman who caught him and how Big Sister protected him. But she couldn't ever explain how she felt when she saw the woman shake him like a puppy hanging on her arm and what it caused her to do. She didn't talk for weeks. Her parents finally got weary and took her to the doctor who said it was the shock and that she would get her voice back. They just had to wait. He wrote a letter to the school though so she wouldn't get into trouble. When she begin to talk again, everyone had more or less forgot the incident. Her mother forbid everyone to talk about it so she wouldn't be scared again.
She remembered every second of it. But it wasn't fear that made her stop talking: it was shame. Because she knew she was the one in the wrong. They were children in a garden which wasn't theirs. The old woman was just a woman chasing children. Yes, she scared them but she hadn't been going to hurt jason: she was just trying to get him to the house and to call their parents. The old woman wasn't a bad person.
She was the bad one. She had hurt the woman. She had chased her with her voice. She didn't mean to... or did she?
"She wouldn't do it again", she promised herself, "Never ever. For any reason."
(She did it again. And again. )
She came home with Jason still crying and didn't say anything.
She didn't say a word and their parents didn't understand what had happened.
Her brother finally calmed down and told, telling them about the scary old woman who had caught him and how Big Sistershe had protected him.
But she couldn't ever explain how she felt when she saw the woman shake himer brother like a puppy hanging onfrom her arm and what it caused her to do.
Her parents finally got weary and tookbecame weary, taking her to the doctor who said it was the shock and that she would get her voice back.
'got' works but is very informal
Weary is very formal, so I changed it to 'become' to keep the register the same.
Also, beware of run-on sentences! I tried to fix it by adding a gerund.
He wrote a letter to the school though, so she wouldn't get into trouble.
When she begin to talk again, everyone had more or less forgotten about the incident.
Her mother forbid everanyone to talk about it so she wouldn't become scared again.
But it wasn't fear that made her stop talking: i. It was shame.
Yes, she scared them but she hadn't beenwasn't going to hurt jason: s. She was just trying to get him to the house and to call their parents.
"She wouldn't do it again", she promised herself,. "Never, ever.
For any reason."
"
March 31, 2021
Thank you!
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She was the bad one. |
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She had hurt the woman. |
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She had chased her with her voice. |
|
She didn't mean to... or did she? |
|
The old woman wasn't a bad person. |
|
Korossol On The Road 5 |
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She came home with Jason still crying and didnt say anything. She came home with Jason still crying and didn't say anything. |
|
She didn't say a word and their parents didn't understand what happened. She didn't say a word and their parents didn't understand what had happened. |
|
Her brother finally calmed down and told them about the scary old woman who caught him and how Big Sister protected him. Her brother finally calmed down |
|
But she couldn't ever explain how she felt when she saw the woman shake him like a puppy hanging on her arm and what it caused her to do. But she couldn't ever explain how she felt when she saw the woman shake h |
|
She didn't talk for weeks. |
|
Her parents finally got weary and took her to the doctor who said it was the shock and that she would get her voice back. Her parents finally 'got' works but is very informal Weary is very formal, so I changed it to 'become' to keep the register the same. Also, beware of run-on sentences! I tried to fix it by adding a gerund. |
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They just had to wait. |
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He wrote a letter to the school though so she wouldn't get into trouble. He wrote a letter to the school though, so she wouldn't get into trouble. |
|
When she begin to talk again, everyone had more or less forgot the incident. When she begin to talk again, everyone had more or less forgotten about the incident. |
|
Her mother forbid everyone to talk about it so she wouldn't be scared again. Her mother forbid |
|
She remembered every second of it. |
|
But it wasn't fear that made her stop talking: it was shame. But it wasn't fear that made her stop talking |
|
Because she knew she was the one in the wrong. |
|
They were children in a garden which wasn't theirs. |
|
The old woman was just a woman chasing children. |
|
Yes, she scared them but she hadn't been going to hurt jason: she was just trying to get him to the house and to call their parents. Yes, she scared them but she |
|
"She wouldn't do it again", she promised herself, "Never ever. "She wouldn't do it again", she promised herself |
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For any reason. For any reason." |
|
"
|
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(She did it again. And again. ) |
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