March 26, 2021
Korossol On The Road 3
Hello again!
This time, I will try to write a short story. It's not for publishing, I swear! And I’m not using you as beta-readers, it’s because I love stories : to read them, to tell them and clearly to write them. I will use them here as my favourite communication tool and try to improve my English storytelling. Thanks again for helping!
"So she was a witch. A witch. Of all the things…!
She swallowed a laugh, or maybe a sob. She couldn’t begin; she didn’t know if she would ever stop. Still, it wasn’t as much a surprise as it should have been. There have been… incidents. A lot of them.
She had asked her mother about… heritage and weird things and got a rant about puberty. None of her others overtures gave better results. She asked a father too. Nothing. Either they knew nothing or they were better liars than she always thought.
Maybe she always was a witch. Family stories said that she always found interesting things in the grass : toys, insects, money sometimes… but what child hadn’t do the same? She never lost herself, always finding the path home. Again, not extraordinary. Ans then there was the incident where a boy chased her off the sandbox and dig a scolopendre five minutes later. (Poor kid. She still feels guilty about it.)
But isn’t it always the same with familiy’s stories? All little incident that occurs to a kid, to be told again and again at parties, diners and anniversaries. Whan it’s about a kid, funny happenstances doesn’t translate in ‘weird occurrences’. Kids do strange things.
She herself only realized when she was eight."
Korossol On The Road 3
Hello again!
This time, I will try to write a short story.
It's not for publishing, I swear!
And I’m not using you as beta-readers, i. It’s because I love stories : to read them, to tell them, and –clearly –to write them.
Comma after "to tell them" is optional
I will use them here as my favourite communication tool and try to improve my English storytelling.
Thanks again for helping!
"So she was a witch.
A witch.
Of all the things…!
She swallowed a laugh, or maybe a sob.
She couldn’t begin; she didn’t know if she would ever stop.
Still, it wasn’t as much a surprise as it should have been.
There haved been… incidents.
Past perfect because you're narrating in the past tense
A lot of them.
She had asked her mother about… heritage and weird things and got a rant about puberty.
None of her others overtures gave attempts yielded better results.
"Overtures" isn't quite the right word here.
"To yield results" is a good collocation.
She asked aher father, too.
"A father" = some random guy who was someone's father, but not necessarily hers
Nothing.
Either they knew nothing, or they were better liars than she always thought.
Maybe she always was a witch.
FAccording to family stories said that, she always found interesting things in the grass : toys, insects, money sometimes… but what child hadidn’'t do the same?
She never lost herself, always finding the path home.
Again, not extraordinary.
Ands then there was the incident where a boy chased her ofut of the sandbox and diug a scolopendrea five minutes later.
I had to look up "scolopendra" :D
(Poor kid. She still feels guilty about it. )
But isn’t it always the same with familiy’sy stories?
AllEvery little incident that occurs towith a kid, to be gets told again and again at parties, dinners, and anniversaries.
Again, comma optional after "dinners."
Whan it’s about a kid, funny happenstances doesn’t translate into ‘weird occurrences’.’
Kids do strange things.
Feedback
I enjoyed reading this! I'll keep my eyes peeled for more of your stories. Hope my comments helped.
March 27, 2021
Thank you! Yes, you helped a lot. Clearly I mostly have problems with punctuation, which I knew and and tenses, which... is going to be harder. But I'm working on it!
|
Korossol On The Road 3 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Hello again! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This time, I will try to write a short story. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
It's not for publishing, I swear! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
And I’m not using you as beta-readers, it’s because I love stories : to read them, to tell them and clearly to write them. And I’m not using you as beta-readers Comma after "to tell them" is optional |
|
I will use them here as my favourite communication tool and try to improve my English storytelling. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Thanks again for helping! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
"So she was a witch. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
A witch. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Of all the things…! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She swallowed a laugh, or maybe a sob. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She couldn’t begin; she didn’t know if she would ever stop. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Still, it wasn’t as much a surprise as it should have been. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
There have been… incidents. There ha Past perfect because you're narrating in the past tense |
|
A lot of them. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She had asked her mother about… heritage and weird things and got a rant about puberty. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
None of her others overtures gave better results. None of her other "Overtures" isn't quite the right word here. "To yield results" is a good collocation. |
|
She asked a father too. She asked "A father" = some random guy who was someone's father, but not necessarily hers |
|
Nothing. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Either they knew nothing or they were better liars than she always thought. Either they knew nothing, or they were better liars than she always thought. |
|
Maybe she always was a witch. Maybe she |
|
Family stories said that she always found interesting things in the grass : toys, insects, money sometimes… but what child hadn’t do the same?
|
|
She never lost herself, always finding the path home. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Again, not extraordinary. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Ans then there was the incident where a boy chased her off the sandbox and dig a scolopendre five minutes later. A I had to look up "scolopendra" :D |
|
(Poor kid. She still feels guilty about it. ) This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
But isn’t it always the same with familiy’s stories? But isn’t it always the same with famil |
|
All little incident that occurs to a kid, to be told again and again at parties, diners and anniversaries.
Again, comma optional after "dinners." |
|
Whan it’s about a kid, funny happenstances doesn’t translate in ‘weird occurrences’. Whan it’s about a kid, funny happenstances do |
|
Kids do strange things. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She herself only realized when she was eight." |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium