April 12, 2021
I sell theme park goods as store staff.
I work at a theme park as a store crew.
The shop has a lot of goods and confections. I like these pretty and charming goods.
Guests looking and picking up the goods look fun and enjoy. I enjoy seeing these guests.
I moved into this venue last August. I didn't think I could so enjoy the work here at that time.
I feel I'm lucky.
私はテーマパークで店員として働いています。
お店にはたくさんのグッズやお菓子があります。 私はこれらの、かわいくて魅力的な商品が好きです。
商品を探したり手に取ったりするゲスト達も、楽しそうです。私もそういうゲストと会うことをエンジョイしていると思います。
去年の8月に現在の場所に移って来たのですが、ここでの仕事をこんなに楽むとは、当時は思っていませんでした。
私はついてるなぁ、と感じています。
I sell theme park goods as store staff.
I think this sentence says about the same thing as the next one, and I think the next one is a bit better, so I'd remove this one.
I work at a theme park asin a store crewgift shop.
"store crew" would mean all the people working in the store. I think "gift shop" sounds like it might be the right term for the type of store you work in, and you could put that information in this sentence.
The shop has a lot of goods and confections.
I like these pretty and charming goods.
GThe guests looking and picking up the goods look fun and enjoylike they are having fun and enjoying their time.
To use the phrase "The guests look ..." you have to use an adjective, such as "They look happy." "Fun" is a noun and "enjoy" is a verb, so I edited the sentence to use those words correctly. You could also change "enjoy" into joyful, which is probably the adjective you were looking for. "The guests ... look joyful"
I enjoy seeing these guests.
I moved intostarted at this venuejob last August.
I'm not sure exactly what you meant with this sentence. "Venue" is a weird word to use. A more common way to use venue would be to refer to a place where a performance happens. For example: The musical group is traveling to their next venue.
I think you are trying to say that you began this new job last august. If so, then "moved" is not the right verb to use. Seeing "moved" at the start of the sentence made me think you were talking about changing where you lived.
At that time, I didn't think I could so enjoy the work here at that timeso much .
Putting "so" right before a verb is not technically grammatically incorrect, but it's uncommon and sounds sort of old and fancy.
Moving ("at that time") from the end to the start is stylistic. I think this change makes the connection with the previous sentence clear earlier.
I feel I'm lucky.
You don't need the "I'm" since it's already clear from "I feel" that the following adjective (lucky) is being used to describe you.
Feedback
Great job! I'm glad you're enjoying your job. One major improvement you could make to your writing is to use more specific nouns. The words "goods and confections" are very general. What are these goods? Candy, ice cream, stuffed animals? Try to be specific enough that the reader can picture the items in their head.
April 12, 2021
I moved intostarted at this venuejob last August.
I wanted to say that I moved from one department to another department in the (same) park. Actually, I didn't remind the word "department" when I wrote the journal.
April 12, 2021
Thank you for your detailed corrections! I appreciate it!!
April 13, 2021
I wanted to say that I moved from one department to another department in the (same) park. Actually, I didn't remind the word "department" when I wrote the journal.
Ah, that makes sense. My correction still works, since it is still a new job even if it is at the same park. You could add another sentence such as "Previously, I had worked in a different department at the same park."
April 13, 2021
Ah, that makes sense. My correction still works, since it is still a new job even if it is at the same park. You could add another sentence such as "Previously, I had worked in a different department at the same park."
I'm getting it. Thanks again!
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I sell theme park goods as store staff.
I think this sentence says about the same thing as the next one, and I think the next one is a bit better, so I'd remove this one. |
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I work at a theme park as a store crew. I work at a theme park "store crew" would mean all the people working in the store. I think "gift shop" sounds like it might be the right term for the type of store you work in, and you could put that information in this sentence. |
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The shop has a lot of goods and confections. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I like these pretty and charming goods. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Guests looking and picking up the goods look fun and enjoy.
To use the phrase "The guests look ..." you have to use an adjective, such as "They look happy." "Fun" is a noun and "enjoy" is a verb, so I edited the sentence to use those words correctly. You could also change "enjoy" into joyful, which is probably the adjective you were looking for. "The guests ... look joyful" |
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I enjoy seeing these guests. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I moved into this venue last August. I I'm not sure exactly what you meant with this sentence. "Venue" is a weird word to use. A more common way to use venue would be to refer to a place where a performance happens. For example: The musical group is traveling to their next venue. I think you are trying to say that you began this new job last august. If so, then "moved" is not the right verb to use. Seeing "moved" at the start of the sentence made me think you were talking about changing where you lived. |
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I didn't think I could so enjoy the work here at that time. At that time, I didn't think I could Putting "so" right before a verb is not technically grammatically incorrect, but it's uncommon and sounds sort of old and fancy. Moving ("at that time") from the end to the start is stylistic. I think this change makes the connection with the previous sentence clear earlier. |
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I feel I'm lucky. I feel You don't need the "I'm" since it's already clear from "I feel" that the following adjective (lucky) is being used to describe you. |
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