March 20, 2025
Hobbies
Back in the day when I and my friends got asked,
“what you wanna be when you grew up?”
By our teacher.
My friend who's sits next to me, said
“i want to be a footballer, i love football”.
“that's great!” teacher responded.
Ayla in my back, said
“I've played as a doctor with my friend, and I like when I make people feel great!”
“that's awesome!” teacher
And then all the eyes is pointed at me,
“me?” I wonder
“I don't have something to called a hobby, and I'm not sure i do have something i like”
“is that so?...” teacher seems kinda sad
“you like playing games didn't you?” continue from Ryan who's sits next to me.
“yeah, i love playing video games. But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby” I replied
“uhm uhm, that also is A hobby, Eka” teacher said
“is that so...”
I looked at my friends, as we smile together.
Ketika dulu aku dan teman-temanku ditanya,
“kamu ingin menjadi apa ketika kamu tumbuh dewasa nanti?”
Oleh guru kami.
Teman yang duduk di sampingku berkata,
“aku ingin menjadi pemain bola, aku suka sepakbola”.
“itu hebat” respon guru.
Ayla di belakangku berkata,
“aku pernah bermain menjadi doktor bersama temanku, dan aku suka ketika membuat orang-orang merasa baik!”
“itu luar biasa!” guru
Lalu semua mata tertuju kepadaku,
“aku?” aku mengira
“aku gak punya sesuatu yang bisa ku sebut sebagai hobi, aku juga tidak yakin punya sesuatu yang ku sukai”.
“begitu ya...” guru terlihat sedih
“kamu suka bermain game kan?”
Lanjut Ryan yang duduk di sebelahku.
“ya, aku suka bermain video game. Tapi aku tidak yakin jika bermain video game itu sebuah hobi” balas aku
“nu uh, itu juga termasuk hobi, Eka”
Guru bilang
“begitu ya...”
Aku melihat teman-temanku, kami tersenyum.
Back in the day when I and my friends got asked,
¶my friends and I were asked, “What do you wanna be when you grew up?”
“what
¶ by our teacher.
B
"Back when X, ..." leads the reader to expect the rest of the point to be in the same sentence. Since you just describe this as an event in this sentence to follow up in the next sentence, it's better to omit the "when".
"my friends and I" is changed because there's one of these sort of grammar rules that you can't say "me and X" or "I and X", Native speakers never use "I and X", but you'll find plenty of native speakers using "me and X" and other native speakers correcting them that it should be "X and I".
My friend who's sits next to me, said
¶ “I want to be a footballer,
“iiI love football”.
“tThat's great!”, the teacher responded.
Ayla , who was behind my backe, said
¶ “I've played as a doctor with my friend, and I like when I make people feel great!”
¶¶
“
¶
"that's awesome!” said the teacher
¶.¶
¶
And then all the eyes iswere pointed at me,
.¶
“mMe?” I wonder
¶
“I don't have something to called a hobby, and I'm not sure i doI have something iI like”
¶¶
¶
“is that so?...” the teacher seemsaid, seeming kinda sad
¶¶
¶
“yYou like playing games didn't you?” continue from Ryan, who's sits next to me, continued.
“yYeah, iI love playing video games.
Corrected this in a few places, but "I" as a word is always capitalised.
But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby,” I replied
¶.¶
¶
“uhm uhm, that is also is A hobby, Eka” teacher said
¶¶
¶
“iIs that so...”
¶¶
¶
I looked at my friends, as we smiled together.
Note capitalising the A in "also A hobby" makes it sound like your teacher stressed the word "A" in his speech. This is going to be read as a little sarcastic, which I'm not sure is the intent from the rest of the speech.
March 21, 2025
Thank you
Back in the day when I and my friends and I got asked,
¶: “what do you wanna be when you grew up?”
¶ by our teacher.
B
you can also say me and my friends
My friend who's sits next to me, said
¶
“i want to be a footballer, i love football”.
“that's great!” the teacher responded.
Ayla inat my back, said
(or behind me you could say)¶
“I've played as a doctor with my friend, and I like when I make people feel great!”
¶
“that's awesome!” said the teacher
¶¶
¶
And then all the eyes iswere pointed at me,
¶
“me?” I wonder
¶
“I don't have something toyou could called a hobby, and I'm not sure iI do have something i like”
¶¶
¶
“is that so?...” the teacher seemsed kinda sad
¶¶
¶
“you like playing games didn't you?” Ryan continue from Ryand, who's sits next to me.
“yeah, i love playing video games.
But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby” I replied
¶.¶
¶
“uhm uhm, that also is A hobby, Eka” the teacher said
¶. ¶
¶
“is that so...”
¶¶
¶
I looked at my friends, as we smiled together.
Feedback
Great job!
March 21, 2025
Thanks!
Hobbies
Back in the day when I and my friends got asked,
¶and I were asked by our teacher, “What you wan
“wnat to be when you greow up?”
¶¶
By our teacher.
Mostly correct, I just changed the order to make it sound more natural.
My friend who's sits next to me, said
¶ “I want to be a football
“ier, i player because I love football”.
“tThat's great!” the teacher responded.
Ayla , who sat behind my backe, said
¶ “I've played as a doctor with my friend, and I like when I makemaking people feel great!”
¶
¶
“tThat's awesome!” said the teacher
¶.¶
¶
And then all the eyes is pointed atlooked towards me,
.¶
“mMe?” I wonder
¶, “I don't have something toyou could called a hobby, and I'm not sure i dI to have something iI like”
¶ doing.”¶
¶
“iIs that so?...” the teacher seems kindareplied, seeming rather sad
¶.¶
¶
“yYou like playing games didon't you?” continue fromd Ryan, who's sits next to me.
Remember that i is always capitalized "I" in English.
“yYeah, iI love playing video games.
But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby” I replied
¶.¶
¶
“uUhm uhm, that is also is Aa hobby, Eka” the teacher said
¶.¶
¶
“iIs that so...”
¶¶
¶
I looked at my friends, as we smiled together.
Feedback
Your ideas are correct and well formulated, but the order of the words sometimes makes the sentences a bit awkward.
March 21, 2025
Thank you
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Hobbies This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Back in the day when I and my friends got asked, “what you wanna be when you grew up?” By our teacher. Back in the day when Mostly correct, I just changed the order to make it sound more natural. Back in the day when you can also say me and my friends Back in the day "Back when X, ..." leads the reader to expect the rest of the point to be in the same sentence. Since you just describe this as an event in this sentence to follow up in the next sentence, it's better to omit the "when". "my friends and I" is changed because there's one of these sort of grammar rules that you can't say "me and X" or "I and X", Native speakers never use "I and X", but you'll find plenty of native speakers using "me and X" and other native speakers correcting them that it should be "X and I". |
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Ayla in my back, said “I've played as a doctor with my friend, and I like when I make people feel great!” “that's awesome!” teacher And then all the eyes is pointed at me, “me?” I wonder “I don't have something to called a hobby, and I'm not sure i do have something i like” “is that so?...” teacher seems kinda sad “you like playing games didn't you?” continue from Ryan who's sits next to me. Ayla Remember that i is always capitalized "I" in English. Ayla Ayla |
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“yeah, i love playing video games. “ “yeah, i love playing video games. “ Corrected this in a few places, but "I" as a word is always capitalised. |
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My friend who's sits next to me, said “i want to be a footballer, i love football”. My friend who My friend who My friend who |
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“that's great!” teacher responded. “ “that's great!” the teacher responded. “ |
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But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby” I replied “uhm uhm, that also is A hobby, Eka” teacher said “is that so...” I looked at my friends, as we smile together. But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby” I replied But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby” I replied But I don't think that playing video games is a hobby,” I replied Note capitalising the A in "also A hobby" makes it sound like your teacher stressed the word "A" in his speech. This is going to be read as a little sarcastic, which I'm not sure is the intent from the rest of the speech. |
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