Please review my practice essay and makgive feedback if needed.

usually we say give feedback or make corrections

To begin with, the director believes that the decrease in the audience size is the major problem causing the decrease in profits at Classical Shakespeare Theatre's profits.

Of course, wWith the decline in audience, the theater's incomes made by selling tickets will attendance/size, the theater's profits will undoubtedly fall as a consequentlyce.

However, a theater's income may consist of other things, such as patrons from companies whoseprofits may come from other sources, for example, external advertisement is involved in the theater's productions.

If this part contributed most to the theater's profits and had dropped more seriously than the audience size, the director couldn't assert that the profits would increase significantly by attracting more audience.

"if this part" is confusing, not clear what you are referring to

Second of all, the director assumes that people would enjoy the Classical Shakespeare Theatre's performances as much as Avon Repertory Company's.

However, he or she doesn't mention the similarities between their productions.

makes sense but I would "doesn't" in place of "does not" for any formal writing

In that case,Accordingly, I don't believe the director cannot reliably assert that they can duplicate the success of Avon Repertory Company's program since people may have less interest in their productions than Avon Repertory Company's.

Moreover, the director thinks that the major problem ofwith Classical Shakespeare Theatre's production is the way the theatere attracts its audience, not its production's content or other factors.

try to keep theatre or theater consistent

However, this irelies on the groundspremise that the performance itself is attractive enough.

The reason why the size of the theater's average audience has decreased may be simply be because people nowadays are no longer interested in their productions.

Inf that casis is true, the performance wouldn' not have a sufficientdesirable audience whaterever itsthe location is.

In conclusion, I believe the marketing director fails to givmake a convincing argument for improving his theatre's profits.

Unless the director attaches more information on their profits' composition, details about Avon Repertory Company's productions, and whether their productions are still attractive enough, his or her recommendation doesn't hold waterWithout more information on the theatre's profit breakdown, whether their productions are still attractive, and details about Avon Repertory Company's productions, the director's recommendation is premature to support.

I'm preparing for the GRE analytical writing session which will happenbe in 3 days.

In the e-mail, the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville recommends holding a '“Shakespeare in the Park'” program to increase the theater's profits and audience attendance to the shows.

Sometimes you need to be more specific to keep the reader engaged.

However, the director's argument's reliance on three unwarranted assumptions weakens its viability.

Adding 3 doesn’t is very vague in the sense that you should either allude to them or just leave it open to talk about these points freely later on.

To begin with, the director believes that the decrease in the audience attendance is the major problemissue causing the decrease in Classical Shakespeare Theatre'srop in profits.

The director mentions the 20 percent declinrease in the average audience size over the past ten years.

Of course, with theis decline in audience, the theater's incomes made byprofit via selling tickets will fall consequently.;

Hhowever, a theater's income maydoesn’t necessarily solely rely on a show’s audience, but can consist of other things, such as patrons from companies whose advertisement isadvertisement companies who have involvedment in the theater's productions.

If this part contributed most to the theater's profits and had droppewas affected had more seriously than the audience size, the director couldn't assert that the profits would increase significantly by attracting more audience.

Second of allNext, the director assumes that people would enjoy the Classical Shakespeare Theatre's performances as much as Avon Repertory Company's.

The director uses the success of Avon Repertory Company's '“Free Plays in the Park'” program as supporting evidence for his idea of making a similar show available to the public.

However, the or she doesn'ty fail to mention the similarities between their productions.

IThis means it is possible that the productions of these two companies are of totally different genres, lengths, themes, and other characteristics.

In that casTherefore, the director cannot assertrgue that they can duplicate the succession of Avon Repertory Company's program will be a success since people may have less interest in their productions than Avon Repertory Company's.

MoreoverFurthermore, the director thinks that the major problem of Classical Shakespeare Theatre's production is the way the theater attracts its audience, not itattraction of its audience to the theater versus focusing on other factors such as production's content orand other factors.

The director suggests that a performance in a park is an efficient way to attract thean audience.;

Hhowever, this is on the groundsuggests that the performance itself is attractive enough and other factors are unimportant.

The reason why the size of the theater's average audience has decreased may be simply be because people nowadays are no longer interested in their productions.

In conclusion, the marketing director fails to give a convincing argument’s argument fails to convince the audience that his idea is worth consideration.

Unless the director attaches more informatiexpounds upon on their profits' composition, details about Avon Repertory Company's productions, and whether their productions are still attractive enough, his or her recommendation doesn't hold waterthe argument being presented will fail to hold its ground.