June 17, 2025
My weekend with Scoil at an escape room cafe!
Saturday
I met up with Scoil and went to an escape room in downtown Southmobile.
At first, he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but he really got into it later on.
For a squid, he sure loved acting like a handsome spy from the movies!
Thanks to me, he had a great time—so next time, he owes me a meal.
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<Notice>
* Scoil: character's name
* Southmobile: name of city
Does this story sound natural to a native speaker?
I'm trying to make my writing sound natural and casual, like a diary. Please feel free to point out anything unnatural. Thank you.
Saturday I met up with Scoil and went to an escape room in downtown Southmobile.
At first, he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but he really got into it later on.
For a squid, he sure loved acting like a handsome spy from the movies!
Thanks to me, he had a great time—, so next time, he owes me a meal.
Em dashes (—) are used to set off information that is different from the sentence before it (among other purposes), but "so" logically connects the ideas of "he had a great time" and therefore "he owes me a meal." So, I feel like you shouldn't put an em dash, because "so" makes the following thing not surprising.
If you still wanted to use an em dash, then you could write something like:
"Thanks to me, he had a great time—now, he owes me a meal."
이건 영어로도 설명하기 좀 복잡해서 prohs1님이 한국어로 설명해달라고 하시면 해드릴게요!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <Notice> * Scoil: character's name * Southmobile: name of city Does this story sound natural to a native speaker?
I'm trying to make my writing sound natural and casual, like a diary.
Please feel free to point out anything unnatural.
Thank you.
Feedback
It sounds natural!
June 24, 2025
Thank you very much! By the way, I simplified the first sentence. Does this version still sound natural to a native speaker?
"I took Scoil to an escape room in Southmobile."
June 24, 2025
No problem!
Yes, that sounds very natural. If it was the main character's idea in the first place to go to the escape room, then that very is the most natural. I feel like most native speakers would probably say "I took [person] to [place]" instead of "We met and then went to [place]."
June 25, 2025
Thank you for your advice!
My wWeekend with Scoil at an eEscape rRoom cCafe!
I know you asked for advice related to naturalness, but I want to point out that titles are usually written in title case.
Saturday I met up with Scoil and went to an escape room in downtown Southmobile.
At first, he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but he really got into it later on.
You could also omit the comma. If I think about how I would say or hear this sentence, the only pause would be before "but," and since commas mean pauses, there would only be that comma.
For a squid, he sure loved acting like a handsome spy from the movies!
I don´t understand the use of "squid" here. Is Scoil an animal?
Thanks to me, he had a great time—so next time, he owes me a meal.
"Thanks to me" implies that going was your idea, but I don´t think you previously indicated that. For example, if your other sentence said this:
At first he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but I said we should keep trying and he really got into it later on.
then it would be more obvious that you are the reason why he ended up enjoying it.
You could also say something like:
He had a great time--since it was my idea that we go, he owes me a meal next time.
OR
Since it was my idea that we go and since he had a great time, next time he owes me a meal.
But if it is a diary, I guess you would already know the context that it was your idea.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <Notice> * Scoil: character's name * Southmobile: name of city Does this story sound natural to a native speaker?
I'm trying to make my writing sound natural and casual, like a diary.
Please feel free to point out anything unnatural.
Thank you.
Feedback
I find this super readable and more or less natural-sounding.
June 18, 2025
Thank you for your feedback. But your feedback is really confused to rewrite the whole story again.
And yes, Scoil is an animal character. He is a squid who runs the gas station.
June 18, 2025
I'm really sorry to bother you, but could you possibly rewrite the whole paragraph in natural English?
June 18, 2025
My Weekend with Scoil at an Escape Room Cafe!
Saturday
I met up with Scoil and went to an escape room in downtown Southmobile.
At first he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but he really got into it later on.
For a squid, he sure loved acting like a handsome spy from the movies!
Since it was my idea that we go and since he had a great time, next time he owes me a meal.
June 20, 2025
Oh, I got it. Thank you very much.
By the way, if I change the first sentence to this, does it sound natural to a native speaker?
"I took Scoil to an escape room café on Southmobile Street."
June 21, 2025
Yes, that sounds pretty natural. I think changing "an" to "the" could also be a natural change, if there is only that one escape room café on that street.
June 22, 2025
You're so kind. Thank you very much. Have a nice day!
June 22, 2025
You too!
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <Notice> * Scoil: character's name * Southmobile: name of city Does this story sound natural to a native speaker? This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I'm trying to make my writing sound natural and casual, like a diary. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Please feel free to point out anything unnatural. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Does this story sound natural to a native speaker? |
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Saturday I met up with Scoil and went to an escape room in downtown Southmobile. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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At first, he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but he really got into it later on. At first You could also omit the comma. If I think about how I would say or hear this sentence, the only pause would be before "but," and since commas mean pauses, there would only be that comma. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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For a squid, he sure loved acting like a handsome spy from the movies! For a squid, he sure loved acting like a handsome spy from the movies! I don´t understand the use of "squid" here. Is Scoil an animal? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Thanks to me, he had a great time—so next time, he owes me a meal. Thanks to me, he had a great time—so next time, he owes me a meal. "Thanks to me" implies that going was your idea, but I don´t think you previously indicated that. For example, if your other sentence said this: At first he said it was childish and didn’t seem interested, but I said we should keep trying and he really got into it later on. then it would be more obvious that you are the reason why he ended up enjoying it. You could also say something like: He had a great time--since it was my idea that we go, he owes me a meal next time. OR Since it was my idea that we go and since he had a great time, next time he owes me a meal. But if it is a diary, I guess you would already know the context that it was your idea. Thanks to me, he had a great time Em dashes (—) are used to set off information that is different from the sentence before it (among other purposes), but "so" logically connects the ideas of "he had a great time" and therefore "he owes me a meal." So, I feel like you shouldn't put an em dash, because "so" makes the following thing not surprising. If you still wanted to use an em dash, then you could write something like: "Thanks to me, he had a great time—now, he owes me a meal." 이건 영어로도 설명하기 좀 복잡해서 prohs1님이 한국어로 설명해달라고 하시면 해드릴게요! |
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <Notice> * Scoil: character's name * Southmobile: name of city Thank you. |
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Thank you. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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My weekend with Scoil at an escape room cafe! My I know you asked for advice related to naturalness, but I want to point out that titles are usually written in title case. |
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