May 31, 2021
A lot has happened in China's animal world this month. The tiger in the zoo ran out and bit someone to death, which happened twice. In Hangzhou (one of the best cities in China), three leopards escaped, and the zoo managed to keep them under wraps for half a month in order to continue selling tickets, and one is still missing. Before the month was over, there was another accident. 15 elephants in Yunnan, as severe habitat reduction and fragmentation caused them to migrate. The elephants have made their way north, running 400 kilometers, and have entered places where people live. However, they have not found a suitable habitat along the way, so how do they live next? The most frightening thing is that all the way north, the possibility of finding a suitable habitat is getting lower and lower. If they can't find a place to call home, what can they do?
There were two times where a tiger in thea zoo ran out and bit someone to death, which happened twice.
Using “the" makes it seem like there is only one tiger in China.
In Hangzhou, (one of the best cities in China), three leopards escaped, and t. The zoo managed to keep them under wraps situation under control for half a month in order to continue selling tickets, andbut one is still missing.
Grammar: Using "and" to connect the last part of the sentence with the rest of the sentence contradicts the former part of the sentence.
Style: You can use commas around "one of the best cities in China" since it functions the same as the parentheses and it'll look cleaner.
15Fifteen elephants in Yunnan, as had to migrate due to severe habitat reduction and fragmentation caused them. OR Due to severe habitat reduction and fragmentation, fifteen elephants in Yunnan had to migrate.
Grammar: You want to group the sentence as an independent clause (fifteen elephants in Yunnan had to migrate) and a dependent clause (due to severe habitat reduction and fragmentation)
Style: It's up to the writer whether to write out a number or just use the number, but normally I see people write out the number. It's totally up to you though as long as you're consistent!
The most frightening thing is that all the way north, the possibility of finding a suitable habitat is getting"gets lower and lower"/"decreases".
Grammar: I'm not sure on the exact grammar here, but it's like "a bottle gets filled" VS "the bottle is getting filled" one states a fact where the other one implies that a bottle is currently experiencing an action.
Feedback
Most of this is stylistic or just slight errors that when spoken/read by a native sound weird but are really hard to explain grammatically.
Diary: Animals |
A lot has happened in China's animal world this month. |
The tiger in the zoo ran out and bit someone to death, which happened twice. There were two times where a tiger in Using “the" makes it seem like there is only one tiger in China. |
In Hangzhou (one of the best cities in China), three leopards escaped, and the zoo managed to keep them under wraps for half a month in order to continue selling tickets, and one is still missing. In Hangzhou, Grammar: Using "and" to connect the last part of the sentence with the rest of the sentence contradicts the former part of the sentence. Style: You can use commas around "one of the best cities in China" since it functions the same as the parentheses and it'll look cleaner. |
Before the month was over, there was another accident. |
15 elephants in Yunnan, as severe habitat reduction and fragmentation caused them to migrate.
Grammar: You want to group the sentence as an independent clause (fifteen elephants in Yunnan had to migrate) and a dependent clause (due to severe habitat reduction and fragmentation) Style: It's up to the writer whether to write out a number or just use the number, but normally I see people write out the number. It's totally up to you though as long as you're consistent! |
The elephants have made their way north, running 400 kilometers, and have entered places where people live. |
However, they have not found a suitable habitat along the way, so how do they live next? |
The most frightening thing is that all the way north, the possibility of finding a suitable habitat is getting lower and lower. The most frightening thing is that all the way north, the possibility of finding a suitable habitat Grammar: I'm not sure on the exact grammar here, but it's like "a bottle gets filled" VS "the bottle is getting filled" one states a fact where the other one implies that a bottle is currently experiencing an action. |
If they can't find a place to call home, what can they do? |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium