May 2, 2021
Lastly, in light of this, we would like to contribute to encouraging health education in general in our region, which, according to various surveys, it has still the lowest rate of adherence to breast cancer prevention programmes and, vice versa, the highest mortality rate, especially in certain age groups, together with the presence of other risk factors predisposing for this type of neoplasia, such as: sedentariness, overweight, smoking and poor diet.
Lastly, in light of this, we would like to contribute to encouraging health education in general in our region, which, according to various surveys, it has still has the lowest rate of adherence to breast cancer prevention programmes and, vice versa,s well as the highest mortality rate, especially in certain age groups, together with the presence of other risk factors predisposing for this type of neoplasia, such as: a sedentariness, overweighty lifestyle, obesity, smoking, and poor diet.
"Our region has [...] the lowest rate of adherence to breast cancer prevention programmes" doesn't sound right, but I'm not sure what you're trying to say. Is it, "our region has the lowest number of breast cancer prevention programmes"? Or maybe "lowest rate of conformity with established breast cancer prevention...procedures"?
Also, this sentence is pretty long. While long, run-on sentences aren't uncommon in more academic/technical writing, I would still recommend splitting it up and making it less wordy, e.g.,
Finally, in light of this, we would like to encourage general health education in our region. According to surveys, our region still has the lowest rate of [...something to do with breast cancer prevention...] as well as the highest mortality rate. This is especially true of certain age groups, and it is exacerbated by the presence of other risk factors for this type of neoplasia, such as: a sedentary lifestyle (or physical inactivity, or lack of exercise, etc.), obesity, smoking, and poor diet.
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Conclusion |
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Lastly, in light of this, we would like to contribute to encouraging health education in general in our region, which, according to various surveys, it has still the lowest rate of adherence to breast cancer prevention programmes and, vice versa, the highest mortality rate, especially in certain age groups, together with the presence of other risk factors predisposing for this type of neoplasia, such as: sedentariness, overweight, smoking and poor diet. Lastly, in light of this, we would like to contribute to encouraging health education in general in our region, which, according to various surveys, "Our region has [...] the lowest rate of adherence to breast cancer prevention programmes" doesn't sound right, but I'm not sure what you're trying to say. Is it, "our region has the lowest number of breast cancer prevention programmes"? Or maybe "lowest rate of conformity with established breast cancer prevention...procedures"? Also, this sentence is pretty long. While long, run-on sentences aren't uncommon in more academic/technical writing, I would still recommend splitting it up and making it less wordy, e.g., Finally, in light of this, we would like to encourage general health education in our region. According to surveys, our region still has the lowest rate of [...something to do with breast cancer prevention...] as well as the highest mortality rate. This is especially true of certain age groups, and it is exacerbated by the presence of other risk factors for this type of neoplasia, such as: a sedentary lifestyle (or physical inactivity, or lack of exercise, etc.), obesity, smoking, and poor diet. |
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