Secchan's avatar
Secchan

Dec. 30, 2024

0
Christmas gift

When I was college student, I had a part time job at a ' snack bar" or I would say a " hostess bar" nearby my house with my friend. The Christmas day is always busy such kind of bar. Some customers gave us some whole cakes as a Christmas gift. After closed the bar, mama-san " the Japanese snack aar owner madam" gave some girls to bring the cakes. When I was back to my house, my mother made a big smile and looked very happy.
Perhaps that was a first present from me to my family.
I always have got some Christmas gift from my parents. But I may never have given them a present.


大学生の時、友達と家の近くのスナックでバイトをしてたんだけど、そういう店はクリスマスの頃はいつも忙しい。お客さん達は、ケーキをホールで買ってきてくれた。お店が終わった後、ママさんは女の子達にケーキを持って帰っていいと言った。
家に着くと、母はとっても喜んでいた。もしかしたら、私から家族ふの初めてのクリスマスプレゼントだったかも。
いつも親からはもらっていたけど、私からはあげていなかったかもしれない。

Corrections

When I was a college student, I had a part time job at a ' snack bar" or I would say a " hostess bar" nearby my house with my friend.

The Christmas day is always busy suchat this kind of bar.

After closeding the bar, mama-san said " the Japanese snack abar owner madam" gaveordered (?) some girls to bring the cakes.

Alternative: After the bar closed...

Not sure about the second part... Did she tell girls to bring cakes? Did you she give you cakes?

When I was back to my house, my mother madgave a big smile and looked very happy.

"Give a smile" is a common expression. Alternatively: "My mother smiled widely."

Perhaps that was athe first present from me to my family.

I always have got some Christmas gifts from my parents.

Feedback

Very sweet! I wish I had cake right now. :)

Christmas gift

When I was college student, I had a part time job at a ' snack bar" or I would say a " hostess bar" nearby my house with my friend.

The On Christmas day is always busy such kind of barDay, this kind of bar is always busy.

Some customers gave us some whole cakes as a Christmas gift.

alternate: replace "some whole" with "entire." "Some" is implied here the moment you have an adjective and a plural noun

After closed the bar, mama-san " the Japanese snack abar owner madam" gave" asked? some girls to bring the cakes.

When I was back to my houshome, my mother mhade a big smile and looked very happy.

Perhaps that was a first present from me to my family.

I have always have gotten some Christmas gifts from my parents.

But I may never have given them a present.

Feedback

Excellent!

Secchan's avatar
Secchan

Dec. 30, 2024

0

Thank you so much!

Christmas gift


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

When I was college student, I had a part time job at a ' snack bar" or I would say a " hostess bar" nearby my house with my friend.


When I was college student, I had a part time job at a ' snack bar" or I would say a " hostess bar" nearby my house with my friend.

When I was a college student, I had a part time job at a ' snack bar" or I would say a " hostess bar" nearby my house with my friend.

The Christmas day is always busy such kind of bar.


The On Christmas day is always busy such kind of barDay, this kind of bar is always busy.

The Christmas day is always busy suchat this kind of bar.

Some customers gave us some whole cakes as a Christmas gift.


Some customers gave us some whole cakes as a Christmas gift.

alternate: replace "some whole" with "entire." "Some" is implied here the moment you have an adjective and a plural noun

After closed the bar, mama-san " the Japanese snack aar owner madam" gave some girls to bring the cakes.


After closed the bar, mama-san " the Japanese snack abar owner madam" gave" asked? some girls to bring the cakes.

After closeding the bar, mama-san said " the Japanese snack abar owner madam" gaveordered (?) some girls to bring the cakes.

Alternative: After the bar closed... Not sure about the second part... Did she tell girls to bring cakes? Did you she give you cakes?

But I may never have given them a present.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

When I was back to my house, my mother made a big smile and looked very happy.


When I was back to my houshome, my mother mhade a big smile and looked very happy.

When I was back to my house, my mother madgave a big smile and looked very happy.

"Give a smile" is a common expression. Alternatively: "My mother smiled widely."

Perhaps that was a first present from me to my family.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Perhaps that was athe first present from me to my family.

I always have got some Christmas gift from my parents.


I have always have gotten some Christmas gifts from my parents.

I always have got some Christmas gifts from my parents.

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