May 12, 2021
A Short Story
The weather at May promised to be lovely, and so Tom and Kate agreed to go play some tennis this Sunday. Kate is always punctual, so she had got to Tom's apartment on time. When she came in, she instantly knew something was wrong. She could see it on Tom's face. He looked so sad and startled. Kate was always a smart girl, and it didn't take her long to figure out what was going on. She was quick to notice the racket Tom was holding was broken. What had happened? wondered Kate. She asked Tom about it gently. He shared that today he got so excited about playing tennis that he accidentally pulled the racket in different directions, and it broke down. Kate for a moment thought about what happened. Her mother used to say to her she should always strive to remain optimistic to matter what happens. And Kate attempted to follow this advise. She said to Tom, Don't worry. Your racket was old and ragged anyway. I will buy you a new one as a present for your upcoming birthday! Tom couldn't be more pleased with her suggestion. He thanked her earnestly, and they hurried up to the store. There Kate told Tom he could choose any racket he liked and she would buy it. Excited, Tom started looking over the rackets the store was offering. There were many alluring offers. Finally Tom picked a racket to buy. It was white and shiny and we must say, a bit pricey. But Kate kept her promise and bought it anyway. Tom said he couldn't wish for a better birthday present. He was eager to try out a new racket, and so they hurried to the tennis court. Sun was shining, and it was the perfect setting for a game of tennis. Tom got so excited that he played tennis better than usual and beat Kate the first two matches.
The weather atin May promised to be lovely, and so Tom and Kate agreed to go play some tennis thison Sunday.
You could say "weather in May" or "weather during May", but not "weather at May"
"this Sunday" is fine, but "on Sunday" sounds more natural
Kate is always punctual, so she had got to Tom's apartment on time.
You could also say
"so she had gotten to"
or
"so she arrived at"
When she came in, she instantly knew something was wrong.
She could see it on Tom's face.
He looked so sad and startled.
Kate was always a smart girl, and it didn't take her long to figure out what was going on.
She was quick to notice the racket Tom was holding was broken.
What had happened?
He shared that today he got so excited about playing tennis that he accidentally pulled the racket in different directionsapart, and it broke down.
"pulled the racket in different directions" does not make sense. I am not sure what you mean?
"broke down" is usually used for things that break after being used too much, and usually refers to either mechanical things. For example,
"After being driven across the country, the car broke down."
Sometimes it is also used for people, if they have been through something stressful. For example,
"After a stressful exam period, Kate broke down and began to cry."
Kate thought for a moment thought about what happened.
Her mother used to say to her that she should always strive to remain optimistic tno matter what happens.
And Kate attempted to follow this advisce.
"Advise" is a verb, "advice" is a noun.
Kate's mother advised her.
Kate followed her mother's advice.
She said to Tom, Ddon't worry.
I will buy you a new one as a present for your upcoming birthday!
"upcoming birthday" is fine, but does not sound very natural
Tom couldn't be more pleased with her suggestion.
He thanked her earnestly, and they hurried upoff to the store.
There, Kate told Tom he could choose any racket he liked and she would buy it.
Excited, Tom started looking over the rackets the store was offeringhad for sale.
"was offering" is okay, but "had for sale" is more natural.
You can also say
"Tom started looking over the rackets the store had for sale excitedly."
There were many allurtempting offers.
alluring is okay, but is usually applied to people:
"She was a beautiful, alluring woman."
SThe sun was shining, and it was the perfect setting for a game of tennis.
Tom gotwas so excited that he played tennis better than usual, and beat Kate in the first two matches.
Feedback
Great job!
May 15, 2021
Thank you very much! You are very helpful.
The weather atin May promised to be lovely, and so Tom and Kate agreed to go play some tennis thisat/one Sunday.
The story is in past tense, "this Sunday" refers to upcoming sunday in future.
Kate is always punctual, so she had got toreached Tom's apartment on time.
Excited, Tom started looking over the rackets the store washad on offering.
He was eager to try out athis new racket, and so they hurried to the tennis court.
Tom got so excited that he played tennis better than usual and beat Kate in the first two matches.
Feedback
Very nicely written.
May 12, 2021
tweetlucky, thank you! Your feedback is much appreciated.
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She could see it on Tom's face. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He looked so sad and startled. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Finally Tom picked a racket to buy. |
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A Short Story |
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The weather at May promised to be lovely, and so Tom and Kate agreed to go play some tennis this Sunday. The weather The story is in past tense, "this Sunday" refers to upcoming sunday in future. The weather You could say "weather in May" or "weather during May", but not "weather at May" "this Sunday" is fine, but "on Sunday" sounds more natural |
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Kate is always punctual, so she had got to Tom's apartment on time. Kate is always punctual, so she had Kate is always punctual, so she You could also say "so she had gotten to" or "so she arrived at" |
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When she came in, she instantly knew something was wrong. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Kate was always a smart girl, and it didn't take her long to figure out what was going on. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She was quick to notice the racket Tom was holding was broken. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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What had happened? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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wondered Kate. |
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She asked Tom about it gently. |
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He shared that today he got so excited about playing tennis that he accidentally pulled the racket in different directions, and it broke down. He shared that today he got so excited about playing tennis that he accidentally pulled the racket "pulled the racket in different directions" does not make sense. I am not sure what you mean? "broke down" is usually used for things that break after being used too much, and usually refers to either mechanical things. For example, "After being driven across the country, the car broke down." Sometimes it is also used for people, if they have been through something stressful. For example, "After a stressful exam period, Kate broke down and began to cry." |
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Kate for a moment thought about what happened. Kate thought for a moment |
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Her mother used to say to her she should always strive to remain optimistic to matter what happens. Her mother used to say to her that she should always strive to remain optimistic |
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And Kate attempted to follow this advise. And Kate attempted to follow this advi "Advise" is a verb, "advice" is a noun. Kate's mother advised her. Kate followed her mother's advice. |
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She said to Tom, Don't worry. She said to Tom, |
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Your racket was old and ragged anyway. |
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I will buy you a new one as a present for your upcoming birthday! I will buy you a new one as a present for your "upcoming birthday" is fine, but does not sound very natural |
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Tom couldn't be more pleased with her suggestion. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He thanked her earnestly, and they hurried up to the store. He thanked her earnestly, and they hurried |
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There Kate told Tom he could choose any racket he liked and she would buy it. There, Kate told Tom he could choose any racket he liked and she would buy it. |
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Excited, Tom started looking over the rackets the store was offering. Excited, Tom started looking over the rackets the store Excited, Tom started looking over the rackets the store "was offering" is okay, but "had for sale" is more natural. You can also say "Tom started looking over the rackets the store had for sale excitedly." |
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There were many alluring offers. There were many alluring is okay, but is usually applied to people: "She was a beautiful, alluring woman." |
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It was white and shiny and we must say, a bit pricey. |
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But Kate kept her promise and bought it anyway. |
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Tom said he couldn't wish for a better birthday present. |
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He was eager to try out a new racket, and so they hurried to the tennis court. He was eager to try out |
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Sun was shining, and it was the perfect setting for a game of tennis.
|
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Tom got so excited that he played tennis better than usual and beat Kate the first two matches. Tom got so excited that he played tennis better than usual and beat Kate in the first two matches. Tom |
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