liuww's avatar
liuww

June 11, 2025

1
A beautiful lake

I walk and walk, arriving a lakeside
A gentle breeze blowing to the lake, rippling my mood
Glimmering sunshine, make my inner world warm
White gulls glide through, herons swimming and hunting
Love this serene, far from citie's noise
Look far on the other side of the lake
Layer and layer of blue peaks're like showing up in hazy wearther
Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap quitely at the shore
At this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night
That would be how glad even though
I knew you were not with me from the outset

Corrections

I walk and walk, arriving at a lakeside
A gentle breeze blowing to the lake, rippling my mood

Glimmering sunshine, mak
eing my inner world warm
White gulls glide through, herons swim
ming and hunting
Love this seren
eity, far from citie'sy noise
Look far on the other side of the lake

Layer
s and layers of blue peaks're lik are showing up in hazy wearther
Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap qui
tetly at the shore
At this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night

That would
be howmake me glad even though
I knew you were not with me from the outset

Verbs should generally be consistent in similar phrases/lines. For example: "glimmering" would match in form with "making", whereas "glide" matches with "swim and hunt."

"Serene" is an adjective that has to be talking about a noun. "Serenity" is the noun form. In the sentence "Love this _______," the blank space needs a noun or noun phrase. Another way would be to say, for example, "Love this serene environment."

You could say "cities´ noise," but "city noise" means "noise from the city or cities."

You could say "layer after layer of blue peaks shows up" or "layers and layers show up" or "layers and layers are showing up"

"transparent water" is a singular noun, so it should be followed by "laps" instead of "lap"

"that would be how glad" is unusual phrasing. Maybe the way I corrected it is close to your intention.








Feedback

It´s cool to see poetry here. I could understand your descriptive poem, and errors didn´t get in the way very much. Nice!

liuww's avatar
liuww

June 12, 2025

1

Thank you for your patient corrections! Now I understand I need to correct my verb uses. Some are not proper. and also thanks for your understanding of the scene I'm trying to describe. I'm trying to write some landscape poems.

I walk and walk, arriving at a lakeside
A gentle breeze blowing
toacross the lake, rippling my mood
Glimmering sunshine, make my inner world warm

White gulls glide
throughoverhead, herons swimming and hunting
Love this seren
eity, far from the citiey's noise
Look far on the other side of the lake

Layer
s and layers of blue peaks're like showing up in appear through the hazy weather (or "are seen through the hazy wearther ")
Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap
s quitetly at the shore
At

In
this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night
That would be how glad even though

I knew you were not with me from the outset
(-> I'm not quite sure what you mean in this sentence)¶
I knew you were not with me from the very beginning ("outset" doesn't feel very poetic, so I changed it to "very beginning")

A beautiful lake


I walk and walk, arriving a lakeside A gentle breeze blowing to the lake, rippling my mood Glimmering sunshine, make my inner world warm White gulls glide through, herons swimming and hunting Love this serene, far from citie's noise Look far on the other side of the lake Layer and layer of blue peaks're like showing up in hazy wearther Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap quitely at the shore At this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night That would be how glad even though I knew you were not with me from the outset


I walk and walk, arriving at a lakeside
A gentle breeze blowing
toacross the lake, rippling my mood
Glimmering sunshine, make my inner world warm

White gulls glide
throughoverhead, herons swimming and hunting
Love this seren
eity, far from the citiey's noise
Look far on the other side of the lake

Layer
s and layers of blue peaks're like showing up in appear through the hazy weather (or "are seen through the hazy wearther ")
Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap
s quitetly at the shore
At

In
this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night
That would be how glad even though

I knew you were not with me from the outset
(-> I'm not quite sure what you mean in this sentence)¶
I knew you were not with me from the very beginning ("outset" doesn't feel very poetic, so I changed it to "very beginning")

I walk and walk, arriving at a lakeside
A gentle breeze blowing to the lake, rippling my mood

Glimmering sunshine, mak
eing my inner world warm
White gulls glide through, herons swim
ming and hunting
Love this seren
eity, far from citie'sy noise
Look far on the other side of the lake

Layer
s and layers of blue peaks're lik are showing up in hazy wearther
Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap qui
tetly at the shore
At this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night

That would
be howmake me glad even though
I knew you were not with me from the outset

Verbs should generally be consistent in similar phrases/lines. For example: "glimmering" would match in form with "making", whereas "glide" matches with "swim and hunt." "Serene" is an adjective that has to be talking about a noun. "Serenity" is the noun form. In the sentence "Love this _______," the blank space needs a noun or noun phrase. Another way would be to say, for example, "Love this serene environment." You could say "cities´ noise," but "city noise" means "noise from the city or cities." You could say "layer after layer of blue peaks shows up" or "layers and layers show up" or "layers and layers are showing up" "transparent water" is a singular noun, so it should be followed by "laps" instead of "lap" "that would be how glad" is unusual phrasing. Maybe the way I corrected it is close to your intention.

I walk and walk, arriving a lakeside A gentle breeze blowing to the lake, rippling my mood Glimmering, make my inner world warm White gulls glide through, herons swimming and hunting Love this serene, far from citie's noise Look far on the other side of the lake Layer and layer of blue peaks're like showing up in hazy wearther Behind tall reeds, transparent water lap quitely at the shore At this moment, I wonder if I'm with you, the one I miss at night That would be how glad even though I knew you were not with me from the outset


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