May 14, 2026
The beginning
Starlight woke up at noon. The sun fell across her face, so she closed her stained curtains and rose to her hooves. She headed to the kitchen, terribly hungry. Her room looked tired and neglected; torn wallpaper peeled from the walls, and there was a broken lamp lay on the floor. She stepped onto the dirty floor. It didn’t bother her that the floor was dirty. She had kind of gotten used to it. There were a few toys: a kitten holding a candy on it right paw. It surely looked dull, even if that wasn’t the original intention. Then, next to the kitten lay half of a fox toy. She had accidentally torn it apart while arguing with her father attempting to steal it from her tiny hooves. Unfortunately, even if it wasn’t intentional, they tore the toy in half, and even if it was her fault that her father became angry, it indeed left a deep scar on her heart. It was such a pure anger in her father’s eyes, that still sometimes appears in her dreams. She spent the rest of the day in tears. Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plush; she used to sleep with her.
Correction Settings
Starlight woke up at noon.
The sun fell across her face, so she closed her stained curtains and rose to her hoovesfeet.
The sun fell across her face, so she closed her stained curtains and rose to her feet.
"Hooves" is used when referring animals like horses and sheep, not humans. That is, unless Starlight is not a human...
She headed to the kitchen, terribly hungry.
Her room looked tired* and neglected; torn wallpaper peeled from the walls, and there was a broken lamp lay on the floor.
Her room looked tired* and neglected; torn wallpaper peeled from the walls, and a broken lamp lay on the floor.
I'm not too sure what a "tired" room looks like. Perhaps you can elaborate on this in your writing.
She stepped onto the dirty floor.
It didn’t bother her that the floor was dirty.
She had kind of gotten used to it.
There were a few toys:, including a kitten holding a candy oin its right paw.
There were a few toys, including a kitten holding a candy in its right paw.
When you use the colon (":"), the reader is made to expect two or more examples because "toys" is plural. However, you list only one.
It surely looked dull, even if that wasn’t the original intention.
Then, next to the kitten lay half of a fox toy.
She had accidentally torn it apart while arguing with her father, who was attempting to steal it from her tiny hooveands.
She had accidentally torn it apart while arguing with her father, who was attempting to steal it from her tiny hands.
I think this would be more clear.
Unfortunately, even if it wasn’t intentional, tshey tore the toy in half, and even if it was her fault that her father became angry, it indeedcertainly left a deep scar on her heart.
Unfortunately, even if it wasn’t intentional, she tore the toy in half, and even if it was her fault that her father became angry, it certainly left a deep scar on her heart.
"Certainly" would be more appropriate here, I think. "Indeed" is used to affirm a claim, while "certainly" is used more for emphasis.
It was such a pure anger in her father’s eyes, that his face still sometimes appears in her dreams. It was such a pure anger in her father’s eyes, that his face still sometimes appears in her dreams.
The subject is missing in the second half of the sentence.
She spent the rest of the day in tears.
Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plushie; she used to sleep with her*. Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plushie; she used to sleep with her*.
(1) "Plush" refers to the material. "Plushie" is the actual toy.
(2) The last part of the sentence might be ambiguous. Who is "her" referring to, Celestia or Celestia's plushie? Perhaps you can make this more clear.
May 15, 2026
Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plushie; she used to sleep with her*.
(1) "Plush" refers to the material. "Plushie" is the actual toy.
(2) The last part of the sentence might be ambiguous. Who is "her" referring to, Celestia or Celestia's plushie? Perhaps you can make this more clear.
Thank you very much! Have a nice day
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The beginning |
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Starlight woke up at noon. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The sun fell across her face, so she closed her stained curtains and rose to her hooves.
The sun fell across her face, so she closed her stained curtains and rose to her "Hooves" is used when referring animals like horses and sheep, not humans. That is, unless Starlight is not a human... |
|
She headed to the kitchen, terribly hungry. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Her room looked tired and neglected; torn wallpaper peeled from the walls, and there was a broken lamp lay on the floor.
Her room looked tired* and neglected; torn wallpaper peeled from the walls, and I'm not too sure what a "tired" room looks like. Perhaps you can elaborate on this in your writing. |
|
She stepped onto the dirty floor. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It didn’t bother her that the floor was dirty. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She had kind of gotten used to it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
There were a few toys: a kitten holding a candy on it right paw.
There were a few toys When you use the colon (":"), the reader is made to expect two or more examples because "toys" is plural. However, you list only one. |
|
It surely looked dull, even if that wasn’t the original intention. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Then, next to the kitten lay half of a fox toy. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She had accidentally torn it apart while arguing with her father attempting to steal it from her tiny hooves.
She had accidentally torn it apart while arguing with her father, who was attempting to steal it from her tiny h I think this would be more clear. |
|
Unfortunately, even if it wasn’t intentional, they tore the toy in half, and even if it was her fault that her father became angry, it indeed left a deep scar on her heart.
Unfortunately, even if it wasn’t intentional, "Certainly" would be more appropriate here, I think. "Indeed" is used to affirm a claim, while "certainly" is used more for emphasis. |
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It was such a pure anger in her father’s eyes, that still sometimes appears in her dreams. It was such a pure anger in her father’s eyes, that his face still sometimes appears in her dreams. It was such a pure anger in her father’s eyes, that his face still sometimes appears in her dreams. The subject is missing in the second half of the sentence. |
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She spent the rest of the day in tears. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plush; she used to sleep with her. Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plushie; she used to sleep with her*. Far away from Starlight, near the door was Celestia’s plushie; she used to sleep with her*. (1) "Plush" refers to the material. "Plushie" is the actual toy. (2) The last part of the sentence might be ambiguous. Who is "her" referring to, Celestia or Celestia's plushie? Perhaps you can make this more clear. |
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