allaqu's avatar
allaqu

April 13, 2021

0
Who from your past do you wish were still around?

As a person who spends so much time alone, I really miss my grandma as I haven´t seen her for more than a year, before the pandemic started. When I was a child, my brother and I used to visit her and I remember that the food she would make always tasted a lot different from my mom's, and then we would go out to downtown where my grandpa worked. He would gave us free chips every time we went there. Sometimes my grandfathers visited our house, which is in a city two hours away from theirs, and that just meant a lot of talking and fun, since my mom loved (and still does) to talk about every member of my family in a way that would make me laugh so much. That is something that kept my grandfathers entertained for as long as the day went on. Fortunately they are still alive, and I hope that and I can see them soon once the pandemic is over.

Corrections

Who from your past do you wish were still around?

As a person who spends so much time alone, I really miss my grandma as. I haven´t seen her for more than a year, since before the pandemic started.

This sentence was a little long. You can split it like this, and the connection between the two parts is still clear.

When I was a child, my brother and I used to visit her and. I remember that the food she would make always tasted a lot different fromthan my mom's, and then. After eating, we would go out to downtown where my grandpa worked.

Again, I think this sounds more natural broken into multiple sentences. Since this is basically a series of events, it makes sense for each event to have its own sentence. If you had more details to add, then those could go in the same sentence. For example after " I remember that the food ... different than my mom's" you could add a (because) and explain why it tasted different.

He would gaive us free chips every time we went therevisited.

"went there" is a bit generic. (Generally more specific verbs are better in writing.)

Sometimes my grandfatherparents visited our house, which is in a city two hours away from theirs, and that just. Their visits meant a lot of talking and fun, since my mom loved (and still does)s to talk about every member of my family in a way that would makes me laugh so much.

The aside "(and still does)" interrupts flow of the sentence. Since you're talking about something that your mom did in the past, and still does, you can just use present tense.
Alternatively, you can stick to past tense, and most readers will assume that this is something that your mom still loves to do.
"...since my mom loved to talk about every member of my family in a way that would make me laugh so much."

That is something that kept my grandfatherparents entertained for as long as the day went on.

Fortunately they are still alive, and I hope that and I can see them soon once the pandemic is over.

Feedback

A lot of my corrections are more about writing style than grammar, but I hope they are still useful. 🙂
My main suggestion is to use shorter sentences. Only combine multiple ideas into one sentence if there is a strong connection that isn't clear when they are put into separate sentences.
Also, I assumed when you wrote "grandfathers", you meant grandparents, meaning your grandfather and grandmother.
I hope wherever you live is able to safely reopen soon so you can see your grandparents again! 😎

allaqu's avatar
allaqu

April 13, 2021

0

Thank you so much! This kind of feedback really helps me, and makes me realize that I still make some silly mistakes while writing, but I'll be careful next time.

Who from your past do you wish were still around?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

As a person who spends so much time alone, I really miss my grandma as I haven´t seen her for more than a year, before the pandemic started.


As a person who spends so much time alone, I really miss my grandma as. I haven´t seen her for more than a year, since before the pandemic started.

This sentence was a little long. You can split it like this, and the connection between the two parts is still clear.

When I was a child, my brother and I used to visit her and I remember that the food she would make always tasted a lot different from my mom's, and then we would go out to downtown where my grandpa worked.


When I was a child, my brother and I used to visit her and. I remember that the food she would make always tasted a lot different fromthan my mom's, and then. After eating, we would go out to downtown where my grandpa worked.

Again, I think this sounds more natural broken into multiple sentences. Since this is basically a series of events, it makes sense for each event to have its own sentence. If you had more details to add, then those could go in the same sentence. For example after " I remember that the food ... different than my mom's" you could add a (because) and explain why it tasted different.

He would gave us free chips every time we went there.


He would gaive us free chips every time we went therevisited.

"went there" is a bit generic. (Generally more specific verbs are better in writing.)

Sometimes my grandfathers visited our house, which is in a city two hours away from theirs, and that just meant a lot of talking and fun, since my mom loved (and still does) to talk about every member of my family in a way that would make me laugh so much.


Sometimes my grandfatherparents visited our house, which is in a city two hours away from theirs, and that just. Their visits meant a lot of talking and fun, since my mom loved (and still does)s to talk about every member of my family in a way that would makes me laugh so much.

The aside "(and still does)" interrupts flow of the sentence. Since you're talking about something that your mom did in the past, and still does, you can just use present tense. Alternatively, you can stick to past tense, and most readers will assume that this is something that your mom still loves to do. "...since my mom loved to talk about every member of my family in a way that would make me laugh so much."

That is something that kept my grandfathers entertained for as long as the day went on.


That is something that kept my grandfatherparents entertained for as long as the day went on.

Fortunately they are still alive, and I hope that and I can see them soon once the pandemic is over and.


Fortunately they are still alive, and I hope that and I can see them soon once the pandemic is over.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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