Rein's avatar
Rein

April 13, 2021

0
GRE Issue "Laws' flexibility"

I'm preparing for the GRE analytical writing session which will happen in 4 days. My target score is 4.5. Please review my practice essay and make feedback if needed. Thanks a lot!

Prompt

Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Essay

Laws play a crucial role in our society. No one can imagine a world without laws. However, there are various discussions concerning the flexibility of laws. Some people believe that laws should be flexible enough to take account of various factors. I mostly agree with this idea for two reasons, which I will elaborate on in the following essay.
To begin with, circumstances described in laws are very limited, while the real world has infinite possibilities. For instance, killing a person is a felony defined by laws in most regions, but most people deem that killing a person who is going to harm you badly is reasonable. Therefore, laws must define several venial situations when dealing with killing cases. However, how serious a situation is when it can be defined as a 'reasonable time for killing'? If someone just gave you several punches but caused no fatal damages, can you actually kill that person for this? To give the answer to this is not easy. Hence, we must consider the actual situations seriously when using the laws.
Second of all, sometimes a court decision can catalyze enormous consequences. For instance, a man in China once noticed an elder falling on a street. He immediately called an ambulance and accompanied the elder all the way to the hospital. However, the elder sued him later, insisting that he hurt him on the street. The court eventually sentenced the man guilty. This has raised wide discussions among China. Many young people avowed that they will never help an elder who fell in public space. The judge of this case was even discharged for this. Therefore, we cannot only focus on the laws and cases themselves when making judgments. We must also consider the potential consequences of them.
Some people may argue that if a judge can go against laws anytime, laws will be meaningless. This is true. I agree with it insofar as the judge can make flexible decisions that don't violate clearly defined clauses in laws. However, it's impossible to write every circumstance when designing a law. If a law has room for different understanding, we have to make judgments based on real-world situations specifically.
In conclusion, laws should be taken flexibly to take account of various factors since laws cannot consist of all possible situations, and the potential circumstances raised by a judgment matter as well.

gre
Corrections

Laws play a crucial role in our society.

No one can imagine a world without laws.

Some people believe that laws should be flexible enough to take account of various factors into account.

We say: "to take [something] into account".

Ex:
-When I broke up with him, I didn't take his feelings into account.
-She's so rich that she bought a new computer without taking its price into account.

I mostly agree with this idea for two reasons, which I will elaborate on in the following essay.

To begin with, the circumstances described in laws are very limited, while the real world hacontains infinite possibilities.

For instance, killing a person is a felony defined by the laws in most regions, buyet most people deem that killing a person who is going to harm you badlyas an act of self-defense is reasonable.

I changed a few words to make the tone more "academic".

However, how serious must a situation is when it canbe to be defined as a '"reasonable time for killing'"?

If someone just gavepunched you several punchtimes, but caused no fatal damages, can you actually kill that person for this?

We don't say "give punches". Instead we just say "punch/punched".👍

To give the answer to this is not easy. // The answer to this is not an easy, it is one of nuance.

Hence, we must consider the actualrealistic situations seriously when usenforcing the laws.

Using the laws ---> Enforcing the law
(In English, when we talk about multiple laws as a whole, we say "the law".

Second of all, sometimes a court decision can be the catalyzest of enormous consequences.

For instance, a man in China once noticed an elder falling oin athe middle of the street.

We almost always say, "the street".

He immediately called an ambulance and accompanied the elder all the way to the hospital.

However, the elder later sued him later, insisting that the man had hurt him owhile they were in the street.

It sounds more academic to put "later" right before the verb.

Ex. The author died, however the book was later published by his son.

The court eventually sentenced the man guilty.

This has raised wide discussions among across China. // This resulted in wide discussion across China.

It sounds odd, but "wide discussion" (not plural) is a set-phrase in English.

Many young people avowed that they will never help an elder who fealls in a public space.

-avowed: to publicly acknowledge
-vowed: to make an oath or promise

The judge of this case was even discharged for this.

Therefore, we cannot only focus on the laws and cases themselvesalone when making judgments.

It sounds much more "academic" this way.

We must also consider the potential consequences of them.

Some people may argue that if a judge can go against lawsthe law at anytime, laws will be meaningless.

This is true.

I agree with ithis sentiment insofar asthat the judge can make flexible decisions that don't violate clearly -defined clauses in laws.

However, it's impossible to writtake every single circumstance when designinto account when creating a law.

If a law has room for different understandings, we have tomust make judgments based on real-world situations specifically.

In conclusion, laws should be takenenforced flexibly to take account of various factors into account, since laws alone cannot consist ofencompass all possible situationcircumstances, and the potential circumstances raiprecedents sedt by a judgment matter as wellcourt rulings are equally as significant.

Since this is your concluding thesis statement, I wanted to make it sound as clear & concise as possible.

"In conclusion, laws should be enforced flexibly to take various factors into account, since laws alone cannot encompass all possible circumstances, and the potential precedents set by court rulings are equally as significant."

Feedback

Writing academic essays can be difficult, but I think you're doing a great job.
Thank you for correcting my journals!

Rein's avatar
Rein

April 16, 2021

0

Big thanks! 😍This is much helpful.

GRE Issue "Laws' flexibility"


I'm preparing for the GRE analytical writing session which will happen in 4 days.


My target score is 4.5.


Please review my practice essay and make feedback if needed.


Thanks a lot!


Prompt


Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.


Essay


Laws play a crucial role in our society.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

No one can imagine a world without laws.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, there are various discussions concerning the flexibility of laws.


Some people believe that laws should be flexible enough to take account of various factors.


Some people believe that laws should be flexible enough to take account of various factors into account.

We say: "to take [something] into account". Ex: -When I broke up with him, I didn't take his feelings into account. -She's so rich that she bought a new computer without taking its price into account.

I mostly agree with this idea for two reasons, which I will elaborate on in the following essay.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

To begin with, circumstances described in laws are very limited, while the real world has infinite possibilities.


To begin with, the circumstances described in laws are very limited, while the real world hacontains infinite possibilities.

For instance, killing a person is a felony defined by laws in most regions, but most people deem that killing a person who is going to harm you badly is reasonable.


For instance, killing a person is a felony defined by the laws in most regions, buyet most people deem that killing a person who is going to harm you badlyas an act of self-defense is reasonable.

I changed a few words to make the tone more "academic".

Therefore, laws must define several venial situations when dealing with killing cases.


However, how serious a situation is when it can be defined as a 'reasonable time for killing'?


However, how serious must a situation is when it canbe to be defined as a '"reasonable time for killing'"?

If someone just gave you several punches but caused no fatal damages, can you actually kill that person for this?


If someone just gavepunched you several punchtimes, but caused no fatal damages, can you actually kill that person for this?

We don't say "give punches". Instead we just say "punch/punched".👍

To give the answer to this is not easy.


To give the answer to this is not easy. // The answer to this is not an easy, it is one of nuance.

Hence, we must consider the actual situations seriously when using the laws.


Hence, we must consider the actualrealistic situations seriously when usenforcing the laws.

Using the laws ---> Enforcing the law (In English, when we talk about multiple laws as a whole, we say "the law".

Second of all, sometimes a court decision can catalyze enormous consequences.


Second of all, sometimes a court decision can be the catalyzest of enormous consequences.

For instance, a man in China once noticed an elder falling on a street.


For instance, a man in China once noticed an elder falling oin athe middle of the street.

We almost always say, "the street".

He immediately called an ambulance and accompanied the elder all the way to the hospital.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, the elder sued him later, insisting that he hurt him on the street.


However, the elder later sued him later, insisting that the man had hurt him owhile they were in the street.

It sounds more academic to put "later" right before the verb. Ex. The author died, however the book was later published by his son.

The court eventually sentenced the man guilty.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This has raised wide discussions among China.


This has raised wide discussions among across China. // This resulted in wide discussion across China.

It sounds odd, but "wide discussion" (not plural) is a set-phrase in English.

Many young people avowed that they will never help an elder who fell in public space.


Many young people avowed that they will never help an elder who fealls in a public space.

-avowed: to publicly acknowledge -vowed: to make an oath or promise

The judge of this case was even discharged for this.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Therefore, we cannot only focus on the laws and cases themselves when making judgments.


Therefore, we cannot only focus on the laws and cases themselvesalone when making judgments.

It sounds much more "academic" this way.

We must also consider the potential consequences of them.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Some people may argue that if a judge can go against laws anytime, laws will be meaningless.


Some people may argue that if a judge can go against lawsthe law at anytime, laws will be meaningless.

This is true.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I agree with it insofar as the judge can make flexible decisions that don't violate clearly defined clauses in laws.


I agree with ithis sentiment insofar asthat the judge can make flexible decisions that don't violate clearly -defined clauses in laws.

However, it's impossible to write every circumstance when designing a law.


However, it's impossible to writtake every single circumstance when designinto account when creating a law.

If a law has room for different understanding, we have to make judgments based on real-world situations specifically.


If a law has room for different understandings, we have tomust make judgments based on real-world situations specifically.

In conclusion, laws should be taken flexibly to take account of various factors since laws cannot consist of all possible situations, and the potential circumstances raised by a judgment matter as well.


In conclusion, laws should be takenenforced flexibly to take account of various factors into account, since laws alone cannot consist ofencompass all possible situationcircumstances, and the potential circumstances raiprecedents sedt by a judgment matter as wellcourt rulings are equally as significant.

Since this is your concluding thesis statement, I wanted to make it sound as clear & concise as possible. "In conclusion, laws should be enforced flexibly to take various factors into account, since laws alone cannot encompass all possible circumstances, and the potential precedents set by court rulings are equally as significant."

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